Your Art Matters
“Have you ever wondered what marks our time here? If one life can really make an impact on the world…or if the choices we make matter? I believe they do. And I believe that one man can change many lives. For better…or worse.” ~ One Tree Hill
My daughters introduced me to One Tree Hill back in 2006, and at first, I thought it was another teen soap opera, like OC, or Dawson's Creek but I watched it. I watched it because my kids were watching it and were positively affected by it. I wanted to know why that was. So, I watched it with them for a while, and then went back and started from the beginning. Considering it launched in 2003, and I had a lot of catching up to do.
That was my first 'binge' of any TV show. It was like a good book that you couldn't put down. It wasn't just a show, it was art. A collage of music, literature, art, beauty and philosophical, thought provoking on-screen theatre. That 'art' changed and affected my life so greatly that it became a piece of me, so ingrained in my soul, that it even influenced my own art. One person had unknowingly impacted me; one person's art had impacted my life.
This TV show became my constant companion. The thing I would default to watching when I was going through difficulty. I binge watched the entire series after it finished its last season, in 2011. In 2011, I joined the military - at 41 years old. At the end of my training, I finally watched the final season. I couldn’t believe it was over.
It was such a good show, with a committed fan base and strong following. So many musicians had either launched or built on their music careers by being featured on, or acting in the show. So many people related to the characters and the plot lines in one way or another. How could it be over. I bought the entire series so I could watch it whenever I wanted after that, and that is exactly what I did. Each time I watched it thereafter, I would pick the season, episode or episodes that was/were relevant to and inspired strength in me for whatever I was going through at the time.
I introduced the show to other friends throughout the years and they had the same reaction to it as I had, and as my girls had. The show, the premise of it, the characters, and the art within the art were all relatable and you couldn't help but love, and in some cases hate them. I remember one time, after having got my friend T, (another Military Police member who I had met during training) into the show getting a text message from her out of the blue that said, "I can't believe they killed him! I'm going to cry!". I knew exactly who and what she meant and why. Because 'he' was one of those characters created in such a way that everyone loved him, or aspired to be like him.
I had seen strong and dramatic reactions to movies and TV before, like the time my daughter stood up and very dramatically yelled, "Oh my god he remembers her!", in response to the scene in "A Little Princess" where the young 'orphan' Sara, played by Liesel Matthews runs outside to stop her father, played by Liam Cunningham - who had amnesia and didn't remember that he had a daughter - from leaving the orphanage. And, he suddenly recognizes and remembers her and they embrace. My daughter, at seven years old could relate and empathize so much with Sara, that she responded like someone living it. It was beautiful and illustrated the power of art, and how it can invoke such strong emotion from people. This same daughter, was just as affected by One Tree Hill, and was one of the ones (she and my other daughter) who suggested I watch it, in the first place.
So, when it came time to take a trip to Wilmington, North Carolina to experience "Tree Hill", and all of its locations, it was with my daughters that I embarked on this adventure.
It's What Got Me Here
"I want to draw something that means something to someone. You know, I want to draw blind faith or a fading summer or just a moment of clarity. It’s like when you go and you see a really great band live for the first time, you know, and nobody’s saying it but everybody’s thinking it: 'We have something to believe in again.' I want to draw that feeling. But I can’t. And if I can’t be great at it then I don’t want to ruin it. It’s too important to me." ~ One Tree Hill
My eldest daughter came from west of Toronto and my other daugher, from Chile and met me in Kingston, Ontario where I lived at the time. We spent one night at my place and then headed off to Wilmington the next day. We drove the 1335 kms, taking shifts sharing the driving and sleeping between shifts. Daughter number two was supposed to be on her holiday from work, at the time but still had work to do for the first few days so, we had a litle mini-adventure trying to find places for her to have Skype meetings enroute to North Carolina.
We stopped in Gettysburg on a ghost hunting trip; where daughter number two, who was navigating at the time asked, "do we just put in the Gettysburg address?". That was just one of so many belly laugh moments throughout this adventure. That, and the same daughter refusing to get out of the car afraid that the ghosts would get her, while daughter number one went ghost hunting. Twenty plus hours of giggles, listening to music and singing at the top of our lungs; of searching for rest stops and late night food along the interstate. Before we even arrived in Wilmington, it was a trip I would never forget; a fun, random and hilarious, special adventure with my girls. My first trip alone with them.
When we finally arrived we quickly settled into our AirBnB and in typical fashion for us, not wanting to miss a thing, didn't rest but went directly out to dinner and started exploring Wilmington. What an adventure it was! Daughter number one had mapped out all of the filming locations and had made a strict itinerary for our trip (she is the daughter who is a Combat Engineer in the Canadian Armed Forces, and is very efficient and organized).
Day by day we checked off 'things to do and things to see' items from our bucket lists; including all of our favourite characters houses, the cafes and record shop, the "Naley" bench, the water front, and the bridge from the opening credits (where we met some really nice, polite southern police officers; because the area it was filmed in was actually kind of questionable) and, of course, the famous "Rivercourt". We stood in places where our favourite characters had stood, ate in establishments they had eaten and saw things that they had seen; through different eyes and different perspectives. It was very 'fangirl' of us, at first but that was okay by us. But then, something happened. We fell in love; with the area, with its charm and beauty, and with the local people. Daughter number two, using her expert travel skills (she works for an international company and travels more than half of her year, every year) helped us find places to go, and things to do that weren't OTH related, as well.
We explored the whole area, went on a boat cruise to see Wilmington from a different perspective, and fell deeper. I'm guessing that is precisely how the location had been picked in the first place. Suddenly, we could relate to both the characters, actors and crew members from One Tree Hill. Relate both a passion for the show and a love for its creation, lifespan and community.
The experience was a dream come true on multiple levels for multiple reasons and contained multiple layers, like us. Driving home was exhausting and difficult, but not as difficult as leaving.
While we were in Wilmington, we learned that we were missing the One Tree Hill convention that was being held there, by one day, and decided we would try to make it to the next one - or one, at least.
I Don't Wanna be Anywhere but Here
"Most of our life is a series of images. They pass us by like towns on the highway. But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens. And we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever." OTH
After our trip in 2016, my daughters' and I decided we would return to Wilmington, or "Tree Hill" again one day. We had missed the Eyecon One Tree Hill convention when we were there by a day. So when I saw posts on Facebook for Eyecon's 2018 "Return to Tree Hill" convention, I let them know and asked if they wanted to attend. They were both busy with work and travel and couldn't attend so, I booked a flight for myself, bought the 'Diamond package' (that got me entry into all of the events and some meet and greets with the actors), booked accommodations and was off to "Return" to "Tree Hill" a few weeks later.
I had never been to a convention before. Not a comic-con or a fan convention of any kind so, I had no idea what to expect. I thought it would be alot of panels with the actors and crazed fans trying to catch a sneak peek at them while they entered and exited the building with security in tow. I had done security for so many bands throughout the years, and fought off so many of their crazed fans so often, that I assumed all 'celebrity' interactions and 'sightings' were the same.
What it really entailed was a bunch of normal, down to earth people, some who resembled their OTH characters so much that you felt like you were eating dinner with "Lucas Scott", not Chad Michael Murray. Some were the polar opposite of their OTH character, like Devin Mcgee, who played the deranged Xavier Daniels.
I remember when I first saw Devin at the convention centre, joking with one of they Eyecon volunteers that I wasn't going anywhere near that table because Xavier creeped me out. To which he replied, "Devin? He is literally the nicest guy". I did talk to Devin, a few times throughout the convention, and then kept in contact over social media. He was so different from the character he had played, and apparently that was the character he seemed to be cast in more often than not. The Eyecon volunteer was right. He is a really nice guy - and one hell of an actor to make me, a former copper, believe that he was really that creepy!
The whole experience; being back in Wilmington, meeting other people who felt the same connection with this particular piece of art, meeting some of the actors who played characters that I had come to know and relate to through some very difficult times in my life, and meeting and getting acquainted with more, incredibly talented artists, actors and musicians. It was one of those moments that stuns you; one you will take with you everywhere you go, and will live on forever in your heart and mind.
What You do Matters, How You do it Matters
As I looked back on that first trip to Wilmington, with my daughters; a trip that started out as one where we journeyed thousands of miles to see locations from our favourite TV show and ended up being an incredible bonding experiencing for us. I didn’t believe it was possible to bond more with my children. I mean we have always shared a bond so deep and meaningful that time, distance and external forces couldn’t break. Our relationships had always been admired and the kind that people had wished to emulate. Throughout this trip, I discovered even more about my girls.
As a child, daughter number one was fearless, and always seeking adventure. Adventure through tree climbing and other normal, childhood risk-taking behaviour or through the pages of a book that took her on amazing journeys, allowing her to live vicariously through the adventures of others. Adventures taken through her imagination, as written in the pages of the books she read.
She was a quiet child with a stillness and inner calmness that suggested that she was one of the oldest souls to walk the earth in the body of a tiny human. She wasn’t overly social; not shy necessarily, more particular about who she spent time with. I realized that she was simply unwilling and unable to settle for second best. And she was unwilling to be second best, herself.
She rose above every challenge she faced; from difficulties fitting in at school, to friendship and relationship difficulties. She was that powerful girl, who wasn't happy with 'half-way'. When she joined the military, she topped both of her career courses – and in a few cases, was the last female on the course – in a combat trade. Her lot in life was to serve others, share her empathy, compassion and stillness of being with others.
On this trip, I discovered that little girl that she once was; her true soul. Life had tried to break her so many times, and yet she had become stronger and more compassionate than ever. She’d come back around to that little warrior princess that she had always been as a child. The pain of her past healed, and the weight of her life, lifted by walking on her true path.
Daughter number two had always been a born humanitarian taking on enormous tasks like; raising money for bullet proof vests for K-9 officers, at the age when most kids were manning lemonade stands. She attended ‘Me to We’ events, became a Ryan’s Well Ambassador, stared a ‘Free the Children’ chapter at her university, hosted students from other countries, and did humanitarian aid all over the world with various groups and organizations.
Since she was small, she had trouble expressing deep emotion toward her family and friends but expressed a great desire to effect change and to make people’s lives better by helping those less fortunate than she – never realizing that we had less than many because of her gratefulness for what she had. She had always been an adventurer and a lover of travel, experience and exploration.
Since 11th grade, she had wanted to start her own non-profit, NGO, with volunteers who do humanitarian aid all over the world. She has travelled all over Central and South America, Asia, Russia, Europe, UK, New Zealand and Australia. She travelled the world; working for an international company that does what she has always wanted to do, but for profit. What she has done has prepared her for what she has always wanted to do but she doesn’t always see the value in what she does or how she does it. Neither of them do; in part because of their sincere desire to serve others, and in part because of their humility.
Throughout this trip; as we walked in the footsteps and down the path of people we admired and characters we all related to, we realized that we felt as we did because this particular piece of art mattered to us. It mattered to us because it expressed what we felt in our hearts all along but didn't see in ourselves; that what we do matters and how we do it matters. What we did and how we did it mattered to us, as well. And everything we did, we did with our whole heart and soul, and in service to others. How we did it was; with integrity, honesty, compassion and truth.
This particular piece of art, this show that affected us all so deeply had said the same thing; what we knew and could relate to but what we so often were unable to see in ourselves. That what we did mattered and how we did it mattered; to ourselves, one another, and to the world.
Where poets speak their heart. Then bleed for it
I was trying yet again, to explain what the strong connection I seemed to have with One Tree Hill was about, and what the show meant to and for me. I had, so many times before, said that it was because it was like a collage of sorts, made up of art, literature and music. And, that each one of these mediums had impacted me so greatly that I could relate with the artists. Then, after visiting the Art Museum, while in Raleigh, in 2019, I was struck by the fact that it was simply art, itself to me. It was its own medium.
I asked someone if they had ever had a piece of art speak to them in such a way, that it actually changed them; their mindset, their thought pattern or process on something specific, or at all. Had it impacted them or affected them so much that it, actually changed them; their ideals, their way of being, or even their lives, themselves? And, as soon as I uttered these words, I realized that this is precisely what this show was to me. It was a piece of art that, each time I watched it, changed or impacted me differently and had a positive effect on my life, somehow. I hadn't realized this before, until I had entered a new art gallery and museum; one I had never entered before. Until I realized that there was, actually magic here, in North Carolina for me.
The art museum, itself had spoken to me. In fact, the very first piece of art I saw in the gallery, there was by Tavares Strachan; Strachan being my recently discovered family name that I had happened upon by doing DNA testing. My mother, having been adopted, did not know her family line so. When I did my DNA testing, I found her sisters and cousins; the Strachans. I had found a huge piece of me that had been missing and, at the same time, realized what it was that tied me to Scotland and Ireland. Why it was that I yearned for these places so much that I felt it in my bones. I had just returned from my Strachan family Scottish clan gathering in Aberdeenshire, Scotland only months before. I felt more whole than I had ever felt. I felt this same connection with North Carolina. It felt like a homecoming everytime I visited here. It felt almost as powerful as it had in Scotland.
After Scotland; after my friend and I had parted, after his visit and inevitable departure, that left me feeling broken and alone again; a feeling that had been foreign and very far away for many years now, since I had done so much work to be happy alone. A feeling that almost broke me more than once in my life. After he left, I was dark, and so melancholy that I had nearly cancelled my trip to North Carolina. Had I been able to have the airfare refunded, I would likely not have come here this time. But it turned out to be precisely what I needed to heal a little and return to myself again.
When I entered that art museum; after speaking to the security guard and the on-duty copper there to figure out the layout and protocols within, I looked to my right as I was passing a desk and, in neon above, were the words, "You belong here". To the left of this sign, was a white card, naming the artist as, Tavares Strachan. "You belong here", in light so that I couldn't miss it. I didn't know if it was the universe suggesting that this is exactly what I needed at the time, or if it was saying, "hey you, you've been here before too; your ancestors have, like in Scotland and Ireland, and you have ties here too". Or, if it was suggesting that moving to North Carolina was, in fact the cure to my troubles, entirely.
All I knew was that, since having arrived here, I felt better. Almost immediately. That, the people I had met and was surrounding myself with were like salve to my wounds. Or that the nice gentleman who helped me at the art museum was my real and true soul mate. Or, that the people that I was going to spend the weekend with; the staff and volunteers, and the talent from the One Tree Hill show, itself, that they would be help heal me from this wound this time, like One Tree Hill had done so many times before.
All I knew, was that there was magic in this place. There was magic here for me, specifically. That I loved the sense of belonging I felt here. That I was listening to universe and its signs again. And, that regardless of how, with who, or in what way, I belonged here. And, that my own kin had said so. That, it was the place where the poets spoke, the artists created and they expressed what was in their hearts. That there was only one Tree Hill, and that it was my home. And, I belonged here somehow. And that was all that mattered.
Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace
"I wanna believe in it all again. Music and art faith and love. I wanna believe that I've made the right choices and I'm on the right path. And there's still time to fix the mistakes I've made. I guess I want hope." - One Tree Hill
As I said, when asked why I can relate so much to this show, I said it is a piece of art that speaks to me in a way no other has spoken to me before. It is like a feeling of belonging and being understood. Like a homecoming, everytime I watch it. It makes me feel like I am not alone and can connect with the artists involved in the creation of this particular piece of art. It embodies pieces of my heart, mind and life that are like, as Dave Grohl puts it (in, "Home"), "echoes, silence, patience and grace" all in one place, and explains that, "All I want is to be home", experiencing, "All of these moments I'll never replace". In this case, "home", for me representing places, like North Carolina where I felt at home and felt the peace and comfort of 'home'. And, I felt that this weekend at the One Tree Hill convention, yet again. This time, as a volunteer and part of a strong and amazing team.
As I said in an earlier post, for the most part, the people who connect with this show also connect with one another. I felt it at the last convention I attended and I felt it again this weekend. Not people fighting one another for a spot in line and fighting to get to the front to see their favourite actors and celebrities, but people, helping one another and letting them in line ahead of them so they can experience 'bucket list' material and experiences; so they can help them make their dreams come true. It's incredibly powerful when people connect like this and on this level. It's magical to watch how people take care of one another in situations like this.
Last night was a perfect example of this when I was priveleged to witness what I can only describe as the equivalent of the parting of the red sea, by OTH fans who wanted to help another one of the fans (a smaller girl who couldn't see over the heads of some of the taller fans), get through to the front of the crowd to see the singer, Michael Grubbs, from Wakey Wakey play. One moved over, and tapped the other one on the shoulder. That one kneeled down, while another one stepped in behind this small female fan and protected her spot for her. Then another one, seeing this happening, squatted down and gently signalled the other one beside him to do the same. It was an unbelievably beautiful display of humanity and human compassion; and it was because they could all empathise with this fan, because they all felt the same way she did. They were all touched by the show and moved by the music from it. It was so moving, I actually had tears in my eyes and had to leave the room and share about this beautiful moment with other staff and volunteers from the convention. As I write about it now, I am close to tears remembering this beautiful but simple act of compassion. And, I realize why this piece of art means so much to me and is so moving to both me and to so many others.
I felt this same energy all weekend, amongst the staff and volunteers of this convention. I also saw a work ethic like I'd not seen in a very long time. They were all there for the same reason, to see the same people and things but they were also all there to help one another and to make sure that each person got what they needed out of the weekend and the events. As crazy as this may sound, considering it is a convention and not a mindfulness or spiritual reatreat, but they were there to make sure that everyone felt listened to, cared for and that every one of their dreams became a reality throughout the convention. Because they were all like-minded people who were all effected by this art. I wasn't certain if they were effected in this way because they were all like-minded to begin with or if they were like-minded because of the affect the art had on them, in the first place; either way, they were all effected by the art and were all like-minded, compassionate and caring people. And it was a beautiful thing!
And this beautiful act of compassion echoed all of the same kinds of acts of compassion that I’d ever felt, witnessed and experienced in my life this far. It gave me hope for a better human kind than what I’d seen. I thought of the museum of history that i had explored and the stories of segregation, abuse of power and slavery. It had sickened me and made me feel utter disgust in mankind. Made me feel hopelessness and helplessness for people I’d never even met. Now I sit, in beautiful silence. After a perfect day with another beautiful human being, who took the time to show me around this magical place.
I sit thinking of the entire week, the weekend and of the beauty I witnessed at this concert (at the convention). In this silence I feel peace and hope renewed. I feel sadness at having to leave this amazing place, and as always, cannot wait to return to another place that has touched my soul and brought me the peace and tranquility I so desperately needed after, yet another loss.
There is no other way to explain the past few months than this, “echoes, silence, patience and grace”. Echoes that remain after all of the 'Sunday mornings'; at the end of the beautiful experiences in the beautiful places I’ve travelled to. Silence; throughout those moments of solitude and thought, and thoughtful remembrance for what I have gained throughout each. Patience; to help me through months, weeks, days or moments when I am not as at peace or not experiencing as much beauty. Patience with others who aren’t ready to be in my life in such a way as I want or need them to be and patience with myself while I ride it out through the storms from within this thing I call my life. While I wait to once again experience that beauty and peace. And grace; a powerful, spiritual healing and sense of wellness and peace, felt even in chaos and throughout these losses. Were it not for the experiences, I wouldn't have experienced the losses, and yet; were it not for the experiences and the losses, I would not have experienced the patience and grace that I needed to get through them, and to truly experience, appreciate and love both myself, and life. And, as hard as it's been, it's been worth the wounds I got getting there.