Ode to Family - Ode to Celine
"Rarely do members of the same family grow up under the same roof." ~ Richard Bach
Growing up the way that I did meant that, I found myself with fewer close connections and relationships with those of whom I shared a blood line. It forced me to seek out and find different connections, develop relationships and forge bonds with people with who I was not blood related, but with who I shared a family-like bond. Many of my ‘extended family’ members share no blood ties with me. Some share blood ties with my former partners, or with my children, but very few of those of who I consider ‘family’ do not share blood with me.
Given my difficult beginnings, I have spent my entire life since, ‘adopting’, or being ‘adopted by’ like-minded and like-spirited fellow travelers who have become my ‘family’ throughout the years. And, as such, I’ve had many brothers, sisters, niblings, mothers and father-figures in my life, who helped me, supported me and loved me throughout my years on this planet. Many who played a vital role in my development, and who had an impact on the person I became, as a result. One such person; one of the most powerful and life-altering relationships in my life was my friend Celine.
Celine, who when I met her, was a single mother of four sons; two of which were grown, and two who she was still raising and supporting. A single mother who worked part time, while attending school fulltime, to better her life for herself and her children. A strong, morally sound, independent and tenacious woman, who not only befriended me after I moved in to the apartment below her, but took me under her wing. A woman, who treated me like a daughter; and who later told me I was like the daughter she never had (up until her sons married their spouses, that is). A woman who, taught me so much about life, and helped me grow into the person that I have become. Who’s impact on my life; my parenting, my strength, my tenacity, my independence and my values I wouldn’t even realize the true depth of until seven years after her passing.
Celine was like a mother, a sister, a friend and a role model to me, all rolled into one. She was as non-judgmental, open, accepting, unconditionally loving and supportive to me as she was to her own, biologically born sons. And, being treated in such a positive and loving manner, by someone like her not only helped me be a better person, myself but allowed me to nurture the same qualities and traits in myself, that I saw in and learned through her. Just being with Celine felt like being home. Having her in my life, filled a void that had been left by the absence of what her very presence offered within mine and my children’s lives. What she represented; to me, to us, and to everyone who knew and loved her. And, her loving kindness, wisdom, strength and beauty of character afforded me a role model to emulate.
And, it was in emulating her, and a few other very special women like her, in my life throughout the years, that I eventually became who I am now. Through emulating them, I became less them and, more me. But exactly the kind of person that I aspired to be; through their examples. Her example; of what a woman can and will be or accomplish, when they believe in themselves, of what a good, loving and supportive mother looks like, of what true strength and tenacity looks like, and most importantly, what the love of ‘family’ should look like. Her presence, her friendship and her unconditional love, not only helped me to grow, and feel supported and accepted, but also helped me to give back what I was given. Helped me to eventually become the same; loving, compassionate, nurturing and accepting, strong and tenacious but still tender and loving woman that I am now, as well. A version of she and the other aforementioned women, but my own version. She taught me to be like her, but to be me. She taught me to be like her, but be independent and strong in my own way and right. And, most importantly, she taught me that if we don’t like our lives; who we are, where we are at, who we are with, what our apparent ‘lot’ is, we can always change it. And, that it’s never too late to do so; never too late to start over.
From the very moment I met Celine, I knew she would have this kind of influence on my life. I knew we would be great friends, and that our friendship would last a lifetime; we had 25 years. I knew she would have an enormous, positive impact on my life. But what I didn’t know, was that even after she passed, she would continue to have the same impact as she did when she was alive. Today marks seven years since she passed, and I’m still realizing that impact every day. Recognizing how, I am still learning and implementing lessons taught to me by her, and our time together. Seeing changes in myself every day that I can in some way, attribute to our friendship. Seeing myself in Celine and Celine in me; even though she’s gone. And, it’s making me realize how great an impact we have on one another, and them, us; often without even realizing it.
I became a much better, stronger and more resilient person because of her. I became a better parent because of her example. I learned to take healthy risks that led to great rewards because of her. I learned to dream big because of her. I learned that it’s never too late to put those dreams into action, because of her. And, I learned that life is short, and to live it as wholly and completely as I can, while I can; also, because of her. I can’t even imagine who I would have been, or where I would have ended up in my life, were it not for Celine and my other friends, like Celine, having played the roles they played in my life; providing me with the maternal guidance that I had lacked, and setting positive examples for me to emulate. She was such a strong woman/person/role model, that it was impossible not to be positively affected by her influence and presence. And, even still, in her absence.
Some of these changes in me took place over our time spent together. Some of them took place later on, throughout my life while living, learning and experiencing. While using she and the others I mentioned, as a litmus test for how I should act, react, respond and behave. Now, the more I get to know myself, and learn to live completely and, wholly authentically, I see just how great an impact that has had. And, I see just how much I am like her. How much her sons and grandchildren are like her. And that makes me proud. And it makes smile, knowing that she would be proud of me, as well. In the same way that she was proud of her own children.
What she wouldn’t likely see, because of her humility and grace, is that she is partially responsible for the good that she had either prompted or created within each of us. And, that she should be proud of herself, as a result, as well. Proud of her contribution to the good within us. For the impact that we have on others; because of her influence, love, support and guidance. And for the impact on the lives that we touch, and the lives touched by those we impact, are the indirect, positive result of her presence in our lives, while she was still with us. And, the result of the memories that we carry of her. The lessons she taught us, that we are, sometimes consciously, and sometimes unconsciously, still utilizing what we learned from her to help impact others’ lives. And, the lives they affect and so on. All because of her. All because of her being a part of our ‘family’. All because she existed, and we were lucky enough to know her.
And, because of this; because she allowed me and so many others who were not her blood, to be a part of her family, she has created an even larger, extended family who will always be positively affected by her having lived, loved and influenced us in the way that she did, while she was here. And, even now, that she is no longer with us in body, she remains with us, in spirit wherever we go, and in whatever we do in our lives. Which, allows her to impact lives, through us, and to create other families, like hers; ours, with her as the woman and mother who began it all.
I miss you so much Celine. I wish you were still here in body. But please know, that you are still here. You live on because of the deep and lasting affect you had on everyone you knew and loved, and who knew and loved you. And because of that, there is a greater spirit of kindness, nurturing, empathy, compassion, tenacity and strength in us, and those who we encounter. Because you lived, we are better people. Because you lived, the world is a little better. And because you were who you were, you live on in us, and your impact will never be forgotten. You will never be forgotten. Because you are our family. I love you! And, I miss you every single day.