Here's a link for anyone interested in donating to the Sick Kids Foundation
Here is a link for anyone who is interested in seeing my progress or donating to the Sick Kids Foundation, via the Great Cycle Challenge
H.A.L.T. but Don't Stop!
H.A.L.T; an acronym used to describe some basic human states, resulting from unmet needs that all human beings experience. In counselling, we use this acronym to describe feelings our clients may be experiencing, that could inhibit growth or change, or even the effectiveness of a session with them. Counsellors need to assess their clients, at the onset of every session, and determine if they are experiencing any of the four listed attributes/unmet needs before continuing a session with them. As, if they continue not to be effectively addressed, the session will be all for naught.
H – hungry, A – Angry, L – Lonely, T – Tired. If a client is hungry, angry, lonely or tired, these needs require meeting, or at the very least, to be acknowledged and usually dealt with prior to continuing a session. If someone is hungry, angry, lonely or tired; very basic human states resulting from unmet needs – food, emotional release, companionship and rest, they will not be able to focus on the session or make any progress within the session, itself. The best thing to do in a situation where the client is in one, or more of these states, is to try to deal with whichever state they are in first. Because, without food, sleep, company and emotional release, they will not be able to focus on the task at hand. When someone is all four, at the same time, the best thing to do is to let them vent, try to meet as many of the needs as possible and then reschedule.
If you’ve ever been in one or all of these states, yourself, you will understand how greatly these states can affect your mood/focus/day. Normally, when we are in one state at a time, we deal with them as they arise; hungry? Eat. Lonely? Reach out to a friend. Angry? Release your emotions. Tired? Rest. Sleep. But, for many clients in the mental health and addictions realm, they are often missing key elements in their lives that assist them in meeting these needs and dealing with these states in a healthy way. Some, are hungry because of poverty and lack of food/money to feed themselves. Some, lonely because of social isolation resulting from their mental health or addictions illness or injury. Angry, because of inability to emotionally regulate in a healthy manner. Or, tired – from lack of appropriate sleep, from chronic illness, un-wellness and other contributing factors. Some, are in these states quite regularly, and when battling with mental, physical or other health issues, are unable to meet these needs or leave these states without help. Sometimes, some people end up in one or all of these states quite regularly and are unable to find a way out.
I’ve been in a constant state of flux lately, myself. I’ve been battling things that most people don’t even know I’m battling, while trying my damnedest to look and act ‘ok’. But it’s catching up to me.
This past week and a half, after a few big triggers and a lot of consideration, I started a new piece to my wellness journey; a new, healthier approach to food, diet and relationship with my body. After having suffered from body dysmorphia, and engaging in an unhealthy relationship with food my entire life, I’ve started a new, psychology based (CBT based) program to help me change my thinking about these things. To help me change my attitudes and behaviours with respect to eating, and how I view my body/weight, etc. And, so far, as I said in the blogpost I wrote about this journey, the other day, it’s been great! Life changing, already; after only week and a bit. But despite all of the good I see coming out of this; healthier habits, better relationship with food and my body, better nutrition and fueling my body properly, there are some negative, albeit temporary, effects, as well. The biggest one being, learning how to fuel my body for movement and exercise with this different manner of eating.
But like every new journey, it takes time to make and implement change. I’m re-learning how to eat. After having spent decades learning about nutritional vegetarian diets, modified eating for a variety of different physical and physiological conditions, and eating to fuel my body for exercise – and then to restore, repair and build muscle, this has been a bit challenging. I’ve found myself, a few times, struggling while cycling and doing other activities because of this. And, I’ve found myself in a state of H.A.L.T. more often than I’d care to admit. The past couple of days are prime examples.
One, 30 km ride I did was the biggest struggle I’ve endured riding, since my first ride over a year ago. Several times throughout my ride, I almost packed it in and went home because I found myself hungry and tired – which led to me being angry. Angry at my body, for not being able to do what it’s normally now capable of. Angry at myself for not just eating how I normally would before a ride. Angry at the thought of having to do this; because of whatever trauma happened in my life that led to this dysmorphia. Angry that, I can’t just eat what I want and still be whatever size I need to be to love my body. Angry, that regardless of what size I am or have been throughout my life; 3 to 23, I’ve never truly loved my body. Most days, I’ve never even liked it. Most days, even when I was a size 3, I’ve avoided scales and mirrors because all they served to do was cause further self-hatred and loathing. Regardless of what size I was, I always found fault in my body. Always felt ‘fat’ and ‘ugly’. These thoughts raced around my head as I struggled to find the strength and stamina to push my bike pedals. Flat terrain felt like a steep climb to me that day. And, this made me angrier. Then, I started feeling lonely.
Lonely, in my journey. Lonely, in my thoughts. Lonely, because I never share these thoughts with anyone. Lonely, because if I couldn’t get these things under control, and learn to be okay with sharing these things with others, I’d be forever alone.
I’ve said before how each facet of our health and well-being is affected by the other; body, mind, spirit. Psychological or spiritual exhaustion leads to physical exhaustion. Physical pain, leads to spiritual and psychological pain and exhaustion, and so on. Each one, affecting the other; in a vicious cycle, if left unchecked. This is precisely what was happening to me throughout this ride. And, it had to stop! But I couldn’t. I had to work through it; on the road, like I always do. I had to find enough strength and tenacity to get me through, to get me home; so, I could eat, rest and share these feelings with someone else. I needed to use the A – angry, to fuel the ride until I could get home to deal with the H - hungry, T - tired and ultimately, the L - lonely, as well. So, I worked and fought through it as best I could with the ‘fuel’ I had. As I always do; riding, pushing, thinking, listening to music, etc. And, suddenly a thought came through that changed everything.
The thought was this, “What are you riding for today, Linda? You’re exhausted and feel like you’re starving. You could have stayed home and rested and got back at it tomorrow”, “What are you riding today for?”, “More importantly, WHO are you riding for?”. As I thought this, I answered myself, “for the kids”. “You’re riding for the kids. Kids with cancer, who can’t ride for themselves, right now. Kids, who are probably in a constant state of H.A.L.T most days right now; because they’re fighting for their lives”.
It’s for the kids. I’m riding 500 kms this month to raise money and awareness for these kids. For a foundation that; funds lifesaving research, houses critical care patients, supports family of the kids who are fighting for their lives. A foundation that, since 1875, has; opened a hospital for sick kids, cared for sick kids, promoted proactive approaches to children’s health and wellness, promoted and assisted in the pasteurization of milk (installed onsite at the hospital, 30 years before pasteurization became mandatory), were pioneers in blood transfusions for children, who’s researchers invented pablum for babies. A hospital that; is the largest research facility for children’s health to this day. Was one of the first hospitals in north America to create a pediatric ICU. Housed Canadas first bone marrow transplant program. Whose staff was the first to discover the Cystic Fibrosis gene. Conducted the first in-utero cardiac surgery and North America's 1st incisionless bone tumour surgery. And has done so much more for millions of kids across North America; for 146 years. Sick Kid’s Hospital, saved my brother’s life when he was born four months premature. They’ve saved countless lives, and have promoted health and wellness in kids more than any other organization for well over a hundred years. And, from my perspective, if we want to do anything to help these kids, this foundation is the one to support.
This is who I’m riding for. This was the thought that fueled the rest of my ride home. And, the thought that fueled my next ride. And, will be the thought that fuels all rides for the remainder of this month, and any other months when I complete the same challenge. And, while I’m battling my own H.A.L.T symptoms, I will always find a thought that fuels me and helps me overcome these states and my own weakness throughout whichever ride I find myself struggling through. Because, no matter how hard I find it; how hungry, angry, lonely or tired I, myself feel at the time, I can guarantee that there is a child out there somewhere who feels a thousand times worse. And, that child is fighting their battle with greater strength and tenacity than I am throughout my ride. Until I think of them, anyway. and, until I think of what will come of the money I raise; how it will help them in their battles. And, when I do, I maybe in a HALT, but I don’t stop!