One Day at a Time
The ‘one day at a time’ philosophy is used throughout a variety of addictions recovery support organizations and groups. The idea that, just as Rome wasn’t built in a day, everything in our lives; how we got to wherever we are at, has been built over time. There has been a cumulative effect; small, daily, incremental decisions and actions that got us to the point that we’re at. Whether that point we’re at is positive or negative; whether it’s a healthy or unhealthy place, it’s the result of daily thoughts, that become behaviours that have put us in the place we’re presently in. And, if it’s a negative or unhealthy place, that we feel the need to change, we have to change it in the same way. Small, incremental reframing of our thoughts, changes in behaviour, and decision making each moment of each day; one day at a time.
I’ve battled a variety of different addictions and unhealthy habits throughout my life, as well. I’ve found myself repeating negative, self-harming and unhealthy patterns, until the consequences of these actions were adversely affecting my life; body, mind and spirit. I’ve dealt with body dysmorphia, and the resulting unhealthy behaviours that caused me to be overweight, on and off all throughout my life. I’d battle these behaviours, unhealthy behaviours; like the binging and purging associated with bulimia, as a teen and young adult. And, through healthier behaviours like, diet and exercise, and lose the weight but was never able to see myself as thin, fit or healthy. And, as a result, would be triggered and spiral downward into unhealthy behaviours and coping strategies, like binging again when I was feeling depressed, sad or felt ‘fat’. And, as a result, was never able to keep the weight off. All, because, when triggered, I reacted in a negative and unhealthy manner, versus a healthy manner. When triggered, I ate the cake. Then, instead of seeing it as a small lapse, and something I could come back from the next day, with better, healthier habits, I felt guilty and gave up instead. That one piece of cake, led to another piece of cake and then chips, and other equally as unhealthy foods. One bad decision wasn’t just one bad decision that could be fixed the next day; it ultimately always led to another bad decision, cognitive distortions and all or nothing thinking on my part. “I ate the cake, so I’ve failed. Might as well give up”.
This is true and poignant in every situation in life; mental wellness, addictions, fitness journeys, and, even in relationships. Healthy coping, healthy habits and healthy relationships, all take time and effort. One, small incremental decision and action at a time. One day at a time. Just as I never gain weight overnight, I can never lose it overnight. I know this, because as I said, I’ve been fighting this battle my entire life. A battle I thought was the result of my crappy metabolism, and other life factors, like my more recent injuries and inability to work out for a few years. That, instead of seeing me changing my eating habits to accommodate, I simply gave up and let myself get ‘fat’ (a term I used for myself, to self-deprecate, not one I would use to describe others who are overweight by society’s standards). I’ve since lost the weight; and gained some back. And lost more again, and gained some back. And, I’ve realized that it’s not my metabolism. It’s not my physical limitations that’s caused this weighted rollercoaster ride of mine. It’s a much more insidious reason; the root cause has nothing to do with exercise and diet, but has everything to do with my thoughts. Thoughts about my body. Thoughts about myself; my self-efficacy. Thoughts about food; comfort foods and stress eating, as well as my inability to win the battle I so often find myself engaging in because of this unhealthy cyclical behaviour. Knowing this, is the first step in finding a way of permanently changing this negative pattern of unhealthy behaviors within my mind and life.
I’ve recently joined “Noom”; a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) based weight loss program that (from my understanding, and the basis of CBT modalities) helps you understand and change your relationship with food, exercise and your body. So, I’ve joined, or am at the very least, doing a two-week free trial of the program to see if I want to join. Two weeks; not enough time to see any real change in my weight but to see whether or not it will help me to recognize and begin to change some of the unhealthy habits and patterns of habits that have caused this awful rollercoaster ride I’ve been on my entire life. After a few days, I’m feeling committed. Not because I’ve lost weight; I haven’t. But because I want to finally change these unhealthy patterns that I have lived and exhibited for so long; permanently. Not, ‘lose the weight and keep it off’, so much for me. But, more as a way of both, developing healthier habits and a better relationship with; food, exercise, my body and my view of my body. Habits that, can be beneficial to your life, as a whole.
As I said, Rome wasn’t built in a day. These things take time. I didn’t gain the weight overnight; any of the times I gained weight. So, I cannot lose it overnight. I have to learn and put into practice, healthier habits and attitudes, one day at a time. I have to change my thinking; because thoughts become behaviours and behaviours become habits. I have to develop better attitudes and healthier relationships; with food, with my body and with ways in which I make decisions with respect to both. I have to change these thoughts, in order to change the behaviours that are the result of these thoughts; like when I eat something in the “red food” category (see Noom’s food list), and the normal pattern is to spend the next day, week, month beating myself up about it and/or, giving up entirely.
For me, ‘giving up entirely’ looks like this: I am triggered > thought: I need comfort food > action: I eat the piece of cake > consequence: I feel guilty about eating the cake, and feel like I’ve gained the weight back so, why bother continuing > continue eating the cake, the ice cream, the chips, anything that I consider, “comfort food” > gain weight > feel more chronic pain > stop doing yoga or cycling or hiking because it hurts too much > gain more weight, etc. And, the cycle continues. Then, I feel ‘fat’, ‘broken’, and am in more pain. And, I hate my body; which means I hate myself for letting myself get to where I’m at again. Until I finally hit rock bottom and start all over again. Exercise, dieting (a variety of diets, that always ultimately include excluding almost everything I love from my diet to lose a few pounds) … but still find all of the flaws in my life, body, habits, etc. And, again the cycle continues.
I know what I need to do to lose the extra weight, and to keep it off. Change these habits. That’s why I joined Noom. To change my response to these triggers. To change my thinking; thinking that becomes behaviours. To change the behaviours; behaviours that become habits. And to permanently change the habits. I know how to do this; I’ve been doing it throughout my mental health journey in a variety of different ways, as well. Re-framing thoughts as they come, before they become behaviours > habits. Recognizing cognitive distortions, and my own body dysmorphia, and reframing and changing these unhealthy thoughts and thought processes, as well. Thinking, that if left unchecked, can become cataclysmic. Thoughts become actions, and actions have consequences. Which consequences do you want in your life? Negative? Positive? I know which ones I want.
Positive. Instead of ‘eating my feelings’ because I allowed a trigger to get the best of me, and reacted versus responded to this trigger, negatively. Instead of ‘stress eating’, and then beating myself up for having done so. Instead of all or nothing thinking. I want to adopt the ‘one day at a time’, or ‘one moment at a time’ thinking, that I so often, myself preach to others. I want to develop a healthy relationship with myself, in this way. And take my own damn advice, in this regard. But, as the old adage, “Rome wasn’t built in a day” states, I didn’t arrive at this state I’m in, in one day either.
It was over a period of several days, months, years. One bad decision at a time. One thought distortion at a time. Over and over again, until I hit rock bottom and had just had enough. To change this cyclical unhealthy pattern, I have to create new, healthier patterns. One trigger response at a time. One thought at a time. One action at a time. One behaviour at a time. One newly formed habit, at time. To do that, I need to consciously choose to respond differently to each and every trigger and thought I have throughout this journey. I have to consciously reframe those thoughts, until that becomes healthy and constructive self-talk, instead of destructive self-talk and resulting behaviours. And, when I make a decision to eat a piece of cake, or another ‘red food’, I have to understand that it’s neither the end of the world, nor the end of my health journey. It’s either a decision to ‘treat myself’ and then move forward the next day, in a healthier manner. Or, it’s a lapse; not a full relapse. Tomorrow is a new day. I can always begin anew tomorrow. I still have time to adjust and change these behaviours. It doesn’t have to become a habit. I want to change. I can change.
To realize that this doesn’t happen in a day. That it happens over time. And, that it’s not about the weight. That it’s about changing thoughts, actions, habits, and attitudes; that help change so much more than just the weight. And that it does this by helping you recognize and change these things. One trigger at a time. One thought at a time. One action at a time. One behaviour at a time. One day at a time. As Noom’s philosophy states, all I have to do is, “believe”.