The Art of Simplicity
So many of us seek a life of simplicity; of peace and contentment but never achieve it. Because it’s not something to be achieved. Achievement is the result of designing and building something in our lives that we can have and live with/within. But simplicity cannot be designed. It cannot be built. True simplicity isn’t contrived. One cannot live in simplicity if they live an ego-driven life; of control. It happens when we let go of control and abandon our designs for our lives. True simplicity; like all art, is like a song with no lyrics. Not designed or built; but that flows out naturally from around us, when we let go.
True simplicity is not about consciously controlling the things within our lives; not about downsizing and discarding the Kon Marie way. It’s about surrender. Trying to build a simple life this way keeps the focus on what brings you joy; versus letting joy occur naturally. There is no room in a life of simplicity for control. No room for ego or I. A lesson I’ve learned (for the most part, the hard way) over the past several years. A lesson in letting go and surrendering. Versus that of controlling my life and environment. A lesson in stopping to literally and metaphorically smell the flowers; something I always preached but never truly fully practiced until these past few years. Because I was a control freak.
If you want to know how much you’ve changed and grown over the years, speak to an old friend you haven’t seen in years. Especially a friend who, himself, lived a life of such simplicity.
I reached out to such a friend this past week. And, even through our email communications thus far, have already seen such a difference in myself. How, while I was busy trying to design a simple life for myself, it had suddenly happened on its own; when I stopped striving and let it occur naturally. The old me would be disgusted with this new me; she would think I’d become lazy and sloth-like. Tell me to get off my ass and try to ‘make something’ out of my time and my life. Funny thing is, I find myself at peace and content in this new quiet stillness. I find myself happier now than I’ve ever been. The old me was not happy. I used to glorify busy.
I was ambitious and driven. I had to fill all of my days, and my life with as much; education, work, experience, adventures, as possible. I desired achievement. I wanted to complete and compete. Do and be the very best at everything I took on. Know the most, do the most. Be the most. I had to do and be the very best version of myself as I felt I could be. What I didn’t realize, was that the best version of me was yet to come. And, that version was a person who had let go and stopped striving. That the old me was ego-driven. And, when I let go, I began to desire the very opposite of all that I’d been striving for, for so long.
When I let go, I started to desire a life of peace; quiet, contentment and gratitude. Of stillness, balance and alignment. Of holistic homeostasis, if you will. Not filling my cup over and over, but of letting it pour out around me. Instead of being busy and, of glorifying busy. Instead of trying to fill my time with distractions, I unconsciously discarded the distractions. Instead of holding on to what brought me peace and joy, I let go of all of the things that didn’t. Instead of ambition, I unconsciously chose contentment in the here and now; with both who and where I was. Instead of forcing growth within me, I allowed myself to grow naturally. Like a dandelion or a wildflower.
Instead of ambition, I chose quiet contentment with what I’d already experienced; and handed off the reins to the younger. Instead of ‘gains’ with my wellness journey, I chose growth of a different kind. Instead of being concerned with acquiring, and having/owning, I’m more content with sharing what I have and making better use of all that I’ve acquired whilst striving all those years. I’m more concerned with letting go of all that I no longer need and appreciating and enjoying what I have and what I love. Things that bring me joy, as Marie Kondo would say. Part of that is age; of desiring a slower pace, and a peaceful existence. Part of that had to do with the difficult and trying lessons I’d experienced over the past several years; and the resulting surrendering of control.
Things that now bring me joy are the little things. I’ve come to understand that the little things; albeit cliché, truly are the big things. That the only things that matter are the things that we cannot buy, design, build or acquire. And, with all of my struggle and loss over the past several years, I have come to the realization that life isn’t supposed to be about acquiring and hanging onto what we acquire; as much as it is about learning to let go. Of; people, things and expectations. Letting go of the things that you don’t ‘need’. Letting go of people who don’t suit you, or relationships you’ve outgrown. And most of all, letting go of control.
I wrote a couple of posts, some time ago about feeling the need to downsize; my house, my things, my life. After which, I started the Kon Marie process of downsizing my home and life. Giving away, discarding and selling off things that didn’t give me joy; clothing, furniture, books, linens, knick knacks, etc. it was a good exercise in letting go; of simplifying my living space anyway. But it wasn’t enough. And, it was just a beginning. I’ve since, acquired more things. Things that I desired more than what I discarded, but more again. All I did was make more room in my home and life for different ‘things’ that complicated my life, as well. I didn’t suddenly become a minimalist; nor did I feel better about my life for being more minimalistic. Minimizing my life didn’t simplify my life. I had to stop; striving, acquiring and trying to control what I thought would make me happy. I had to be still and know that there was absolute surrender involved in a truly simplistic life. And that, a simplistic life was one of more satisfaction and fulfillment than a complex life brought me. It was more about discarding my ego and allowing the quiet stillness to guide my life.
Since then, I’ve been unconsciously letting go and discarding all of the things that over burden my existence. Deleting, unfriending, discarding. Giving away, recusing myself, throwing away. Not returning to; people, place or things. And it’s been much more liberating than trying to design and build a simplistic existence. The most impactful affect I’ve experienced from all of this, is that of true peace; a feeling of stillness, a place of quiet contentment, a sense of gratitude, within that place of peace. And, while some may see these decisions or actions as callous or selfish – ego-driven, they’re quite the opposite, in fact.
Using my own closet as an example; I’ve stopped wearing things that don’t make me comfortable. Stopped wearing clothing that looks good, rather than feels good when I wear them. Not because I desire the attention one receives when wearing certain clothing; on the contrary. But because I only desire comfortability. I don’t need 5 of the same pair of jeans because my ass looks good in them. Why should I care what my ass looks like? I don’t see my ass. I wear yoga pants, cycling shorts and bathing suits most of the time; because they are functional for what I need them for and comfortable to wear. I don’t care what I look like in them because I only desire functionality and comfortability for myself. I no longer dress to impress or make others comfortable with what I look like. I dress for me. So, I wear the damn yoga pants. And, so should you – not yoga pants, necessarily but you know where I am going with this.
As I said, at the beginning of this post, true simplicity is like a song without lyrics. It’s not about designing and building a life of contentment. It’s not about controlling and hanging onto. Not about substance and achievement. It’s about what’s missing; that you’re better off without. Like jeans that squeeze your mom belly so tight that you’re miserable the whole time you’re wearing them – just so that others are comfortable looking at you. It’s not about writing the perfect lyrics to go with the music. It’s about letting the music write itself. It’s about letting go, and letting it flow.
Even now, as I sit here writing this post about the 'art of simplicity', I realize that I’ve likely used too many words to describe something that only requires quiet, stillness and a blank piece of paper to meditate on. So….
Adieu… be still and know that you have everything you already need. Everything else is just a distraction from the things that really matter; peace, quiet, stillness, love, contentment, gratitude. And, most importantly, simplicity.