Cancel Culture - Til It Happens to you
‘Cancel Culture’ isn’t toxic. The behaviours and toxic narratives that created the trend, itself are. Thoughts?
In my humble opinion, although there are many cons to the 'cancel culture' trend, there are also too many pro's to ignore. The first and foremost being, that it is a conversation starter.
So many people believe that cancel culture is toxic. And, attack those who try to ‘cancel’ people for their harmful or toxic behaviours and narratives. But while they’re bitching about people, ‘cancelling’ these people, they’re ignoring the harm that the ‘cancelled’ people were doing. They're so focused on the 'cancelling', that they’re ignoring the harm done by the very thing that got these people ‘cancelled’, in the first place. They are refusing to acknowledge that, despite the fact that these things apparently don’t bother them, that they might actually be causing irreparable damage to others. Instead, far too many are focused on the harm done to the 'cancelled'.
They proffer that those who are offended or hurt by someone’s; racist, ablest, sexist, mysogynistic, prejudice, xenophobic or otherwise harmful behaviours, are ‘weak’, or call them things like ‘snowflakes’, and 'bleeding hearts'. Tell them that they need to, "toughen up", and "learn to take a joke", or suggest they, "grow thicker skin". All the while, refusing to recognize that the 'cancelling' is the knee jerk reaction to a toxic narrative or harmful behaviour that they have been subjected to for centuries. That they've been dealing with this behaviour throughout the better part of their lives; some, having suffered intergenerational trauma from the same toxic narratives. This takes great strength.
They're not weak. They are strong. And, just as it takes great strength to be forced to drink this kind of poison and not die, it takes great strength to speak up and stand up for what is right, as well; to suck the poison out. The people who have been subjected to these toxic narratives and prejudiced behaviours for so long, have enormous strength because, they have survived so much. And, that they are much stronger than those who they try to ‘cancel’. Stronger than those who support the ‘cancelled’, as well.
No, ‘Cancel Culture’, itself isn’t completely toxic. The biases, prejudices and, toxic behaviours and ideologies that made it necessary, are. Is there a better way to go about affecting change? Absolutely. Through compassion and conversation. Education and participation. Is there a way of cancelling the ideologies without cancelling the person? Yes. Both of these things however, involve people changing on an individual level, first. Both of these things, involve people changing their behaviours and adjusting the toxic, and poisonous narratives that they cling to. By educating themselves and being open to other perspectives. Doing better, by being better. And, by apologizing with sincerity, and without agenda. But until that happens, ‘cancel culture’ will still be a necessary evil as long as these toxic narratives and harmful behaviours; poison, still exists within society. The very things that have brought back public shaming and, created the 'cancel culture' trend, in the first place.
The poison, that exists within privilege, and the privileged; those who either refuse to see their own, or refuse to let go of theirs. The toxicicity of arrogance and immovability. And, that exists within the grasp of those who have historically been the ones in control and, refuse to both, acknowledge the power they have held, or give up that power and control. Those who would rather stick to their own prejudiced convictions; because they either refuse to admit this, or they simply don’t care that what they are doing is hurting others. And, those with such deeply ingrained implicit bias that they can’t even see their own hatefulness. And, of course, the narcissistic abusers who live to victimize others. But, the most insidious of them all; those who have a voice, and the strength to use it, but refuse to do so. And, far too often, because they would rather fit in and 'tow the company line', than make waves. What they don't see - or don't want to acknowledge - is that these waves could cause a ripple effect, that might actually affect change and make people's lives better.
Funny thing is, it costs nothing to be a decent human being, and yet so few are willing to do what is right. It costs nothing to practice kindness. It takes minimal effort to try to see issues and ideas from another’s perspective. So, why is it so hard for some people to acknowledge that things that don’t affect them, or hurt them might hurt and adversely affect others? And, why are the same people so quick to label 'cancel culture' toxic, but not the the narratives that caused it, toxic?
I guess unless you have experienced these things, yourself and have felt the effects of either, systemic or individual; racism, misogyny, sexism, ableism, bias, bigotry, xenophobia and prejudice in your own life. Or, unless you have been victimized, oppressed or harmed by others, you can’t really know the pain it causes. Unless, you have felt the hurt and pain that these things cause others, then you will never really truly understand the insidiousness of this kind of behaviour. You will never truly understand the often, irreparable damage that is done, inter-generationally, by the behaviours and ideologies, either. And, won't ever truly understand the knee-jerk reaction to want to 'cancel' those who still engage in it.
Damage that these biases have done and continue to do within our world at large, that create these divides among us. Nor will you ever truly comprehend how you unwittingly contribute to the perpetuation of these biases when you refuse to see others’ perspectives. When you refuse to practice humility and kindness. And, when you refuse to educate yourself on these issues. In my humble opinion, if you’re not educated on a subject, maybe just don’t weigh in? And, if someone or something is 'cancelled', instead of getting all indignant about it, ask why they were 'cancelled', and what needs to change?
And, before you write me off here as a ‘lefty’, or a ‘snowflake’, know this; I’m not ‘left’. I'm not ‘right’. I'm just a normal, decent human being. Someone with great strength but also, enormous compassion and empathy for others. Just someone who cares about other human beings. Someone who has lived life serving, supporting, protecting and advocating for other human beings. I’m not a ‘snowflake’, I’m not a ‘bleeding-heart liberal’. But I do care about others and, have spent the better part of my life advocating for and brokering services for those in crisis, or dealing with the effects of trauma or abuse. I have spent my life supporting, and actively pursuing justice for those who have been victimized, bullied, traumatized and oppressed. I’ve listened when they needed an ear, offered a hand when they needed help up and, been a voice for those who couldn’t find their own.
I have seen the very worst of humanity, and the terrible things people do to one another; both, in my personal and professional life. I, myself have suffered and as such, have a great deal of empathy for others who have, as well. I’ve seen what far too many people have suffered through and, now understand what hurts or triggers them. And how that hurt and pain affects their entire existence. As well as, the ripple effect it has on the people around them, and their communities.
I’m not virtue signaling here. I know all too well how imperfect I am, myself. I also know that I too, have hurt others in the past, myself. Mostly unintentionally. A few times, in self-defense or as retribution for someone having hurt me, first. However, I also know how harmful and toxic that kind of behaviour is. And, if and when I have hurt others, I’ve made amends somehow. Or, at the very least, listened to what they had to say and tried to see things from their perspective. Tried to affect change that would make their lives easier and their suffering less. Even those who had wronged me. I forgave them but have had to do engage in what would be considered, 'cancelling' today. Sometimes, it's necessary to walk away from things that harm us. And, sometimes it's necessary to de-platform those who have the capacity to do damage, as well. At least until they can either see the err of their ways and make amends, at the very least.
We are okay with certain types of 'cancel culture'; like boycotting businesses and organizations that we see doing harm to people or animals, or damage to our planet. Or, suggesting that we cut toxic things and people out of our lives for our own mental wellness. Both, are forms of 'cancel culture'. But we're not okay with 'cancelling' someone for racist, or other bigoted tweets and public statements? How can we have so much compassion and concern for ourselves, others, animals and, our planet in one breath and vehemently disagree with 'cancelling' a celebrity or their 'products' for equally as harmful attitudes, behaviours or actions in the other? Isn't that a little hypocritical?
It takes less energy to be kind and open to listening to other perspectives, than it does to continue being arrogant and immovable and, seeing only through our own. It takes the act of practicing a little bit of humility. And an attempt at educating ourselves on the underlying reasons behind someone feeling hurt by these things; either individually or systemically. It doesn't take much to participate in change. In fact, to begin, all we have to do is look in the mirror. I’ve participated in change on various different levels; beginning with me.
That is what cancel culture is really about. It's about change. And, about highlighting what is wrong, hurtful, harmful and toxic. Listening and learning. Education and understanding so, that change can occur. It’s not about censorship, it's about starting a conversation. It's not about weakness. On the contrary. It actually takes great strength to stand up and speak up. It takes great courage and conviction to go against the grain. To call out harmful and toxic ideologies, narratives and behaviours. Individually, and on a larger scale. In fact, it can cause a great deal of conflict in your life, to try to fight for peace for others’. But there is no peace without conflict. No understanding without compassion.
Those who claim to have compassion, need to stave off the unloving, irreconcilable, and malicious, biased, prejudiced and ignorant. No one can truly be compassionate and loving, unless they 'cancel' hate and oppression; even if that's only in their own heart. It’s a lonely place to be sometimes but it’s worth it to ease someone’s suffering.
As I said, it costs you nothing to be a decent human being. It costs you nothing to practice kindness, or to try to see from others’ perspectives. Failure to do so, however, costs others peace of mind, and much, much more. So, why is it so hard for so many people? Why do so many to refuse to do so? Why are so many people so immovable? Why are so many people so stubbornly holding on to their own flawed ideologies? Why do so many people refuse to see that damage that these ideologies cause? Why do so many people refuse to practice compassion and humility?
In my humble opinion? It’s because they are comfortable with their own status quo. They don't want to be 'educated'. They don't want to 'learn'. They are happy and comfortable with their own ignorance and implicit biases, and don't feel they need to do anything differently. They are who they are; and they don’t want to change a thing about themselves. Some say they want change in the world, but refuse to change anything about themselves or their life. But change will never come on a global level until people change on an individual level.
So, I guess we’re at a stalemate. Or at least, we are, unless people keep speaking up. Keep trying to educate and inspire others to be better, and to do better. And teaching them, that in order to do better, they have to first, be better. That in order for people to have that peace, we have to keep ‘cancelling’ the toxic narratives and harmful behaviours that cost others their peace.
The only way to 'cancel' 'cancel culture', is through compassion and accountability. And, until people start taking accountability and start doing better, they will keep getting 'cancelled'.
In the meantime, if you don’t want to be ‘cancelled’… maybe don’t perpetuate these toxic narratives?