Labels - Are for Products, Not People
“The problem with labels is that they lead to stereotypes and stereotypes lead to generalizations and generalizations lead to assumptions and assumptions lead back to stereotypes. It’s a vicious cycle, and after you go around and around a bunch of times you end up believing that all vegans only eat cabbage and all gay people love musicals.” - Ellen DeGeneres
I wrote a couple of pieces on here several months ago, about the power of words; titled, “The Power of Words”, and “Speak Life”. In them, I explained how words have the power of life and death, and can either harm or heal. That they can seek to bring understanding but that, they can also be limiting, and cause more strife and confusion than to promote that understanding, at times. I suggested that we should always take heed in choosing our words; wisely, appropriately and for the purpose of being kind and promoting unity over division. Love over hatred. That we should always do our best to speak life over others. The same should apply to labels.
At the onset of the pandemic, I lost a ‘friend’ because of my faith. When I proclaimed Christianity as my faith, they removed me from their social media after boldly explaining why, and informing me that they didn’t need, ”my kind” in their life, after what, “my kind”, had put them through, throughout their life. Not much of a friend, obviously as, if they truly knew me, they would have known my heart and wouldn’t have even questioned what shape my faith would take. What my heart would bring to my faith, and my faith, bring to my heart. They would have known that I wasn’t ‘religious’, or ‘denominational’. And, if they hadn’t pre-judged all Christian-based faiths, based on religion, they would have known that. They would have understood that about me, regardless of what my faith was. And, they wouldn’t have blamed me for their persecution at the hands of some obviously religious, denominational and hate-filled people who hurt them, because of how they labelled themselves. The ironic part is, that I didn’t see them in the way that the generalization of their label suggested they would be. I saw the whole person that they were, and had accepted them as they were without pre-judgement. As a person. Without a label.
Why is our world so obsessed with labels? I mean, I understand that, in some cases, labels can seem necessary. I understand that people want to be seen as they are; who and what they identify as. Especially when that isn’t something or someone who is clearly visible to others. That is understandable. People should be seen and celebrated for who and what they are but that isn’t always the outcome of labelling oneself. If I learned nothing else from this 'friend' of mine removing me from their social media, and from their life, it’s that labelling oneself, limits another person’s understanding of who you truly are. It allows them to pre-judge you and generalize, based on that label. If we cover ourselves with labels, we hide our true selves.
If you were to label me, based on how I appear to others, I would look like this; a middle-aged, white, heterosexual Christian female. What is the first thing that comes to mind when you read that? Karen, right? On the contrary, actually. That couldn't be further from the truth about who I am. I am actually very diverse. I am a mother and a grandmother. A sister and a daughter. An aunt. A former cop, and veteran. A counsellor and a victim advocate. A social justice activist. An artist. A writer. I have Scottish, Irish and indigenous ancestry. I am a sexual assault survivor, a domestic assault survivor, a childhood trauma and abuse survivor. I have survived bullying; both childhood bullying and workplace harassment. I have permanent injuries, illnesses and chronic pain that I battle every day, and that has also shaped who I am. I lived in poverty for the greater part of my life; until the past few years. I have spent a great deal of my life either being either persecuted or subjugated because of my visible gender, income (or lack thereof), age (as a young mother, and then as an older woman in college and when joining the military). But I am a survivor. And, as such, I am also, a supporter of and friend and ally to a very diverse population of people, with whom I share a common bond; empathy, compassion and love for my fellow humans. Most of which, resulted from all of the things that I, myself, survived. But you wouldn’t know that about me, unless you got to know me. Or, read my blog.
As I said, I understand that labels serve a purpose (now, because we created them and as such, rely too heavily upon them) however, they can also serve to do more harm than good. Labels can bring others together, but they can also be just as divisive. In fact, labels have ruined many of my relationships throughout the years. Labels have ruined a lot of relationships. Labels are limiting and in far too many cases, provoke hate, cause division and strife. Labels have, like in the aforementioned scenario, made people hate people that they haven’t even met, or don't truly know. They have caused division, bigotry, and racism. Their existence; most labels, either serve to provide a false narrative about the person inside the label; based on pre-judgement and generalization. Or, incite prejudice, fear and phobias.
I understand that some labels seem necessary, and exist in some communities to indicate how they identify, when it is not visible to others. In that case, they are supposed to exist to bring people who are the same or similar, together. But far too often, it has the polar opposite effect on people. With that in mind, I ask again, why is our world so obsessed with labels? They are meant to unify but all they really serve to do is identify differences.
As I said earlier, I understand why people want to label themselves; to identify how they identify, and be ‘understood’ better. Unfortunately, all that does is limit them further. It puts them in a box, and allows them to be seen as the narrative that exists within the generalization, or cliché of what that box looks to the broader world at large.
We even have labels for those who want to identify that the don’t want to be labelled. Labels to show how they are ever changing. That they are fluid in nature, and as such, don’t want to be labelled. Again, I understand why, and respect that they need to identify this to others. Because our world relies so heavily on labels now, that they’ve not been given any other choice but to label themselves, as such; as not wanting to be labelled. The irony is too much for me. Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way denigrating anyone for doing so. On the contrary. What I am actually suggesting that it is sad and disheartening that anyone would have to come up with a label to explain that they don’t want to be labelled. It seems counterintuitive to me. A label that limits them, again; to explain that they don’t want to be limited by a label. It’s brutally ironic, if you ask me.
A label that is referring to someone or something that is ever changing, and fluid is still a label. And, as I said, is limiting. I understand that this is how we attempt to explain who we are to others. Especially when, who we are and how we identify isn’t visible. And, how we attempt to get to know others, ourselves. However, once the label is out there, there is a preconceived idea of who that person is, and can prevent us from seeing them. Truly seeing them, as who and what they really are. We don’t ‘need’ to get to know them, as we assume we already know; know what their interests are, and how they feel about certain issues because of earlier generalizations and stereotypes within a community of people who identify in the same way. It’s the same with racism, ableism, transphobia, and xenophobia. Most of these communities are visible, already and don’t need to be labelled to be generalized.
As I said, just as words can serve to promote understanding and unity so, can labels. However, they can also serve to divide us and promote hate within some communities. The polar opposite of what those using these labels is attempting to achieve, in the first place. So, why use labels? Why not identify as a human being, with human interests, and human experiences. Who loves who they love, eats what they eat and looks like what they look like; whether or not that indicates how they feel about themselves. Unfortunately, we’re not there yet. We’re still focused on either trying to understand, or wasting time creating conflict and misunderstanding about issues like gender and sexuality. We’re still divided by racism and xenophobia.
We’re still so busy engaging in pre-judging individuals and communities, that we’re not ready to look past the labels that we put on them. So, we create our own labels that make us feel superior to others. And those of us whose labels are seen as, ‘normal’, or ‘acceptable’ to some (mostly ourselves), cling to those labels to comfort ourselves; all the while, pre-judging others based on their labels. Labels that limit our understanding about the human being that lives inside of that label.
Words, and labels alike have the power of life and death. Just as we need to choose our words wisely, we also need to view others’ and their 'labels' intelligently, without bias and from a place of curiosity and ultimately, understanding. Since we rely so heavily on these labels, and because of this, these labels will always exist to describe people as they identify, we need to stop pre-judging, and start asking questions. We need to ask the question, “what does this label mean and look like to you?”. Instead of pre-judging others, based on their labels, we need to ask questions, and listen to understand.
So, despite the harm that they can do, labels still appear to be a necessary, albeit often toxic part of today's society. However, they need to be viewed with caution. Because if we’re not careful, we will cover ourselves in so many labels that one day, we might unintentionally hide our true face underneath all of those labels. So, try to get to know the human being inside of these labels. If we do, I think that in doing so, we will ultimately begin to understand the labels, themselves better, as a result. Which will quite likely serve to liberate people of their labels, and promote better understanding of the communities within which those labels exist.And, the humans inside those communities.
In a perfect world, we wouldn't need to do that. In a perfect world, we wouldn't need labels at all. In a perfect world, labels would be for products, not people. But our world is far from perfect, isn't it?