Memories - A Toast to Christian's Friends
To all of my brother’s friends;
Yesterday, we celebrated another of Christian’s birthdays. Together, yet apart. Everyone who remembered, or who found themselves in front of a keyboard, sent him birthday greetings and posted memories and an outpouring of love to/about him on his Facebook memorial group. When I started that group, it was both, a way of honouring him, myself; and was a way of connecting with others who knew him. I started that group near the inception of Facebook, itself. Without which, I wouldn’t have found many of you.
Author, Antoine de Saint-Exupery, once wrote, “Tell me who admires and loves you, and I will tell you who you are”, And I can safely say that this has come to fruition since I started this group. Had I not been connected with you, I wouldn’t have learned so much about my brother, or been able to keep him alive in some way throughout the past several years. Also, if I hadn’t met many of you – some virtually, and some in person, I wouldn’t have found the friendships that I now have with you all. It’s like Christian saying, “if I can’t be there with you, I’ll leave you with each other”. It’s as if he connected us, himself. So that we wouldn’t be alone in our grief after having lost him.
I honestly can’t tell you how much it has meant to me; to his entire (biological) family (and I say, "biological" because you are all his family, as well), to have been given such a gift at the most difficult and trying time. I can’t say I would be in the same place in my grief, and in my life, had it not been for you all. If I hadn’t been able to get to know him through your eyes and hearts. Sharing with me, and with each other; stories, photos, and memories of your time with him, has added a dimension to him and his life, that I never would have known. I want to thank you for that. Thank you for not only helping to keep him alive, in some way but also, to bring elements of him and his life to life for those of us who missed parts of it.
There is so much power in connection; especially throughout trials. We’ve all seen that this year, with the state the world is in right now. Even those who have never lost anyone before this year, are learning what it is to grieve. What it’s like to miss something or someone, and have to go without. What it’s like to need a hand to keep dreams and love alive, after these people and things are gone. Learning that the only way to do that, is through connection. Through connecting with others who; share in your grief, have experienced the same loss, or have known the kind of love that was associated with the person they lost. That feeling of bringing something back to life, with the help of one other. I have experienced that through this group; because of you. And, I want to thank you for that.
“Toast to the ones here today
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you”, Maroon 5
So, here’s a toast you (raise your glasses, coffee mugs, or water bottles – whatever you’ve got or want to use to toast).
“Here’s to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. If you cheat, may you cheat death. If you steal, may you steal a person’s heart. If you fight, may you fight for a brother. And if you drink, may you drink with me”
Thank you for your kindness and friendship. Thank you for your love. Thank you for sharing a piece of my brother, and a piece of yourself, at the same time. For never forgetting, and always honouring him. Thank you for the connection. Thank you for support. Most of all, thank you for keeping a piece of him alive in your hearts and minds; for yourself, for his family and friends but mostly, for him.
Here’s to absent friends, and those who keep them near.
And, for those of you who didn’t know, we are Scottish (mostly, according to my DNA results). Which, would also explain a lot about the crazy Viking-type we all knew Christian to be! So, here’s a toast in our mother tongue, as well;
"May the best ye've ever seen
Be the worst ye'll ever see
May a moose ne'er leave yer girnal
Wi' a tear drap in his e'e
May ye aye keep hale an' he'rty
Till ye're auld eneuch tae dee
May ye aye be jist as happy
As we wish ye aye tae be"
Slainté/Skol