Happiness is... A Paper Christmas Tree
I know Christmas is still a ways away but with everything that’s happened over the past several months, and with Thanksgiving just behind us, here in Canada, I’ve found myself thinking about what gratitude and happiness means to me. What I have to be thankful for, and where and how I can find gratitude in all situations and circumstances. When I find myself having difficulty with gratitude; unable to find things to be grateful for, or ways in which to find gratitude, I look back at all of the paper in my life. Sounds strange, I know but paper takes many forms, and is used for so many purposes.
Paper is very important to me as a writer. Paper; to write on, to edit on, to publish books on, for newspaper reviews (assuming I was well-known, published author that warranted a review, that is). The papers that prove I exist; that I was born, married, had children, served my country, graduated high school, college(s), and everything else that has been written down in some form, on paper, about what I have done in my life.
One of the most obvious and impactful of types of paper being, money. Money; having not enough, just enough, more than enough or sometimes, even too much. What we have because of it, and what we go without because of it. All of the kinds of paper in our lives that we have to go without, if we don’t have enough of the other kind.
You go to the grocery store, and they ask if you want paper or plastic. You pay with paper (money), for groceries that you either do or do not have enough paper to pay for those groceries with. So, many people have limited paper in their lives; money or otherwise. So many go without because of it. I remember a time when I was paperless. A time when I went grocery shopping, and didn’t have enough paper (money). I had to choose between paper or paper; napkins or paper towel. Both, l could be used for both purposes; wiping up spills and wiping mouths, after eating. But napkins made me feel like I was winning the day; that I had enough paper to buy both kinds of paper, even if I didn’t. So, why not buy the napkins? Well, they were more money than the paper towels, which would mean that I would have to choose between one food or the other, as well. A vicious cycle of choosing between what I could have and could not have; all because of paper. Not enough paper for both. It seemed ludicrous to have to decide between paper and paper but that was the life of the poor and paperless that I was living at the time.
Since then, I have lived in various situations and circumstances, and have had to learn to live in, and find gratitude, in both. Some years, the paper was flowing; like it grew on trees (okay, I know that was a bit cheesy). Other years, it was harder to come by. Other years, I found myself again, choosing between paper and paper. And, some years, I had just enough for both, but not enough to change me; not enough to make me materialistic and ungrateful when I didn’t have enough.
One such year, I didn’t have enough paper (money) for a Christmas tree. I was a single mother of two small children, with very little paper, at the time. I had to choose between Christmas gifts for the girls, or a Christmas tree. I obviously decided against the tree, and for the gifts. Then, when the girls asked what kind of tree we were going to have that year, I told them we would make one. A paper one. So, we did. We made a Christmas tree out of paper, and decorated it with decorations also made of paper.
That was one of the simplest, most modest, but most memorable and special Christmases I ever experienced. A small, modest but filling meal. A few modest gifts for the girls. And, a paper Christmas tree, decorated with handmade paper decorations; by us, with love, care and an enormous amount of creativity. I wrote a piece about that Christmas a few years ago. It went like this;
Happiness is a Paper Christmas Tree
This year, I am remembering; remembering Christmases like the one when I was so broke that I couldn't even afford a Christmas Tree. So, I made a tree out of paper, put it up on the wall and then made decorations out of paper, with the girls. We decorated that tree together while drinking Hot Chocolate and listening the Christmas Carols on the radio. Santa came that Christmas Eve and brought the girls rag dolls, pajamas, Christmas socks and candy and they were the happiest girls alive that day; because they were with family and were still young enough to feel the magic of Christmas in their hearts. They still had the magic of gratitude within them.
Or another year, when we had a real tree and an overabundance of presents under it. When we had enough food that could feed a family of our size (or larger) for weeks but not enough mouths to eat it all. Unfortunately, J had to work both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, the little ones were at their other parents’ (we were a blended family) and we had to have two Christmases and two dinners to get through all the 'festivities' that year. Our Christmas was just not the same, fractured like that.
Thinking back, I'd take the paperless Christmas, with the homemade paper Christmas tree and a couple small gifts, over that year any day. Just to have my entire family together and whole on that magical day.
So, this year (2011), I asked Santa for a gift; the first Christmas wish I have made in thirty years. I asked for my entire family to be together on Christmas day. This is not an easy task with our family however; I have been away for over eight months because of my military training (nearly six hours away from home). Daughter number one is already in the military and lives three hours from home, daughter number two is in University and lives over an hour from home. The little ones alternate with their other parents on Christmas and J works a job where he works most holidays.
I asked for this gift because, since I left for Basic Training, I have not had a single family gathering in those eight months, where we were all together, in the same place, at the same time. This is the year I get my wish. This year, our family will be whole again; before I leave for another six months of training.
This makes me feel deep gratitude that I am being granted this wish, and that I will finally have a Christmas like I did the year of the paper Christmas tree; filled with love, laughter, and true blessings. With just enough to make everyone’s holiday special but not so much that it’s wasted in removing wrapping paper over and over again; when that happens, the magic of it all becomes drowned in paper.
It makes me count my blessings and acknowledge how much I really have. It makes me see the real magic behind the Christmas spirit, and the real principle behind gift giving. And, it makes me understand what a real gift truly is.
This year, because of COVID and its ensuing restrictions, we're all being forced to go without something. Whether that is paper (money) or other things that we're accustomed to having in our lives; that require paper for us to have. This year, we are all being forced to evaluate our lives and reflect on what happiness truly means to us. I know I've done the same. And, I've come to understand what happiness is, and is not.
It is not; a paper book, bought with paper, and wrapped in paper (I mean, I've always found happiness in books but if I can't read them, I'll write them, instead). But a paper Christmas tree that elicits true gratitude for the reality of what a gift really and truly is, and what gratitude really looks like.
That happiness and gratitude are not found in the things we have or the things we do, that require paper, with which to have or do them. But that is within that paperlessness (I know it’s not a word but I decided it worked), that we find our happiness. The things that money cannot buy. Things that cost nothing; the blessing of a new day each day that you wake, time to experience the beauty of life, time with family and loved ones, time spent in nature, time spent being grateful for what you have instead of ungrateful for what you have not.
That happiness truly is a quite simply, a paper Christmas tree; in my case, the only paper that truly matters.