And He Marched to the Beat of His Own Drum
Tomorrow marks the anniversary of my brother, Christian’s death. 16 years ago, on the 16th of October, 2004, he was killed in a cabin fire in Dawson City, Yukon. The single worst day of my life. And the day that my heart was ripped in half. Christian was incredibly special; to both me, and his other siblings, family and friends. Everyone that met him saw his light; empathy, kindness, warmth, generosity and compassion. He was a one of kind, kind of soul. Someone who could and would nurture, protect, and take care of everyone he loved; even when he was battling his own monsters, at the same time. He was special. A free-spirited, wild, mountain man. And, he marched to the beat of his own drum.
The famous idiom, “March to the beat of one’s own drum”, means to act, or behave in a manner that doesn’t conform to the standard, popular or expected societal norm. Someone who “marches to his own drum” is a person who is not burdened by the social norms or society’s rules. This idiom alludes to a person who may even be intentionally unconventional; that was Christian. Free-thinking, free-spirited and free of worldly burdens. He travelled, adventured, lived like a nomad, and lived off the land as much as he could to sustain himself. Leather-tramping his way through life, all the while, effectively changing lives and making an impression on everyone he met.
When I was searching for a song to go along with this blog post, I came across an article written by Ayodeji Awosika, titled, “10 Signs You March to The Beat Of Your Own Drum”. In this article, the author lists the 10 signs that someone marches to the beat of their own drum. It sums up Christian pretty well. Here’s the list, and my take on it;
1. You have a strong distaste for the status quo – Christian refused to be the same as the rest of the world, and blindly walk through life doing what was expected of him. He moved to the Yukon to get away from the status quo and start his own adventure, actually. Running dogs and making drums and drumming instead of holding down one steady job. No burdens, taxes or even drivers’ license.
2. You lack respect for authority figures – He believed that, in order for someone to demand respect from others, they needed to show it to others; initially or reciprocally. But he didn’t just believe it, he also modelled it.
3. You can objectively look at both sides of an issue – He refused to see life as black and white; knowing that other’s perceptions of issues are based on their psychology and sociology, and that this can skew their view of these issues. So, he was willing to hear others out instead of taking a hard and fast stance on issues.
4. You’re passionate about learning – He believed that ignorance was simply the lack of knowledge and understanding, and was willing and able to be constantly learning; new skills, information and different perspectives, alike.
5. You’re always up for a good debate – despite the fact that he was open-minded and willing to see all sides of an issue, he still liked playing devil’s advocate to open others’ minds, as well.
6. Sometimes people think you’re crazy – simply doing the things he did, and living the way he lived was enough, sometimes for others to sit in judgement of his decisions. But he was not crazy, he was just trying to make the most of his one, short life he had to live, while he had time and chance to live it. In Christian’s case, he knew how little time he had; as he told me when he was a little boy that he was going to live to be 30. And he did.
7. You’re always refining your ideas – the more he learned, the more he wanted to learn and apply this new knowledge, experience, expertise and skillset to everything he did.
8. You limit the amount of media you consume – Christian didn’t have a cell phone, a computer or a television for the better part of his adulthood, and lived much better without it. He spent the majority of his time either with his friends; forging deep, meaningful and lasting relationships with people. Or, in solitude, in nature. He nurtured his relationships, in person, or in his letters to friends and family.
9. You fear being average – I don’t know that he feared this, as I know he always felt different anyway. But I’m certain that no one whose path he crossed throughout his lifetime ever saw him as such. He was extraordinary.
10. You’re never bored – he never gave himself a chance to be bored. Even as a small child, he was busy and always adventuring, creating, exploring, discovering. And, he never stopped.
Christian was the epitome of this idioms target demographic. And, the ironic part was, that he was himself, a drummer. He literally and metaphorically marched to the beat of his own drum. He set the stage, made the music and both, danced, and marched to it.
Some would say that his choices weren’t always wise, or lacking selfishness. Some might even see him as irresponsible. Some saw him as running away from something. I saw him running to something better. I always envied his freedom and wondered how he could live the way he did. I always thought how different we were; until recently. When I realized that we were more alike than I could have ever imagined.
If I had a chance to tell him what I thought of his choices and his lifestyle, I would quote the song, “Your Own Drum”, by Sully Erna of Gobsmack,
“You say that you're living in the shadows. There's no shadows if you don't have light. Your heartbeat's beating out the tempo. Are you running out or running out of time? Go find your own horizon and your own sun. And walk to the beat of your own drum. Don't let them tell you what's the right direction, Don't you listen when they tell you that you're wrong. The only thing you see in your reflection Is the only one that matters when it's all said and done. And it's time you realize that you're holding tight. But love is sometimes letting go. Now find your own horizon and your own sun. And march to the beat of your own drum. Your own drum”
And, I would tell him that I now see that, despite our polar opposite lifestyle choices, our hearts were exactly the same. That we both marched to the beat of our own drum, in our own way. And although the tempos were different, the beats were the same.
Man, I miss you baby brother! With every ounce of my being and every piece of my soul - I wish we’d had more time. More time together in our lives - more time before you died - more time period! We were so close as kids but I feel like I got to know you best as an adult after your death. Maybe that’s how it was meant to be for me - to live each day after you left us, uncovering the mystery and complexity of who you were at the heart of you! We will Never know. But I won’t stop remembering and I won’t stop honouring and I will never ever forget you! My baby brother! I miss you buddy!
I love you brother. And, I miss you like mad! My heart is broken but I still feel and can march the beat of your drum, as well as my own.