Ride a Mile on My Wheels
There is a famous idiom that reads; “Walk a mile in my shoes”. It suggests that, before criticizing, judging or trying to understand someone’s motives, you should “walk a mile” (spend some time trying to understand and try to see through their perspective) in their “shoes”. The shoes of course representing their ‘story’; seeing through their perspective based on, their biology, their psychology, sociology, what they’ve experienced, and how that has changed their perspective. What has brought them to where they are, and what motivates them; to keep going, to quit, to make whichever healthy or unhealthy decision in their lives, and why. In a nutshell, it is an idiom relating to empathy.
em·pa·thy /ˈempəTHē/ noun • 1.the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. The ability to understand and share. How can you understand and share others’ feelings? Well, walk a mile or two in their shoes. Or in my case, ride a mile on my wheels. Learn what brought them there before; judging them, criticizing them, or trying to understand them or their motivation.
Marcus Aurelius wrote, “Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?”. This is empathy; asking yourself, “what part of my story resembles theirs?”, “What can I see in them, that exists in me?”, “What would my motivation be for doing something resembling what they are doing?”, And, “if I don’t know their story, how can I either learn it or understand what it is they are doing?”, “How can I empathize with each situation?”. You can start by realizing that every single human being on the planet has a story. Each one, something that they have been through; hardship, loss, obstacles that they have overcome, and things they have had to rebuild or rebuild from. In many cases, their stories read like an inspirational movie or motivational poster; where they are able to rise above themselves and their circumstances to overcome something extremely challenging. Mine is one such story.
A story about injury, illness, loss and climbing proverbial mountains without the proper gear or the strength to do so. A story about falling down. But, a story about getting back up again to fight another day. A story about an almost total knock-out. And, a story about standing back up on my feet, moving forward; one step at a time, and then one mile at a time. About turning near defeat into motivation and fuel. And, switching from feet, to wheels; as yet another, modification, I’ve had to make in my life. And how that changed everything for me.
Most of you reading this, know my story. Either family, friends, acquaintances, or anyone who follows my blog, knows some of the challenges that I have faced. For those who don’t, it’s this simple. I was broken; physically, mentally and spiritually, in part by my career, and in part by my own doing. I suffered multiple injuries, for which I was seeking regular treatment; physiotherapy, acupuncture, massage, neurofeedb ack, counselling, among other therapies. I was told I couldn’t work anymore. I was told I couldn’t work out anymore. I was told I was permanently broken and should basically just ‘manage’ my symptoms of brokenness and absolute defeat. If you’ve read any of my blog posts, you see that ultimately, I always scratch and claw my way out of circumstances like these, but this one nearly did me in. In a nutshell; injury and illness, plus age, severe muscle atrophy and massive weight gain equaled near death for me. Add COVID, lockdown and serious mental health struggles, as a result and it’s a recipe for disaster. One that nearly did me in. That is, until I took to the road again.
First, I prayed; for strength and for motivation. I prayed for healing; body, mind and spirit. I prayed for health and wellness. I prayed for a miracle. The answer was one word, “move”. So, I did. As I mentioned in a previous blogpost, “Recover”, I started moving; one single step at a time. It hurt, but not as much as not moving did.
It hurt a lot, but I walked. I walked and walked, every day. Starting small and taking time to ‘recover’ after each series of movements. Then, one day I hopped on my daughter’s bicycle and tried cycling. I’d always cycled for fun before but never for exercise or sport. It was something I did with the kids when they were smaller, or a way of getting around town before I had my driver’s license. I had never even really considered it a way of getting back some of what I had lost throughout the past few years. But it worked; I felt that ‘runner’s high’; body, mind and spirit, that I used to get when I hit the road on running shoes. When I used, running as my escape; before I was broken by circumstance. I couldn’t run anymore. I needed an alternative, and I found it on a set of wheels.
I will be the first to admit that I’ve always had a bit of a bias about cyclists. As a cop, it used to annoy me when certain cyclists didn’t appear to follow the rules of the road, but had allowances made for them within our legislation. Rules about sharing the road with these muscle-powered vehicles, that couldn’t keep up within traffic but seemed to simply get in the way and impede traffic, instead. The thing is, I wasn’t seeing things from their perspective, because I wasn’t putting myself in their shoes. I hadn’t ridden a mile on their wheels, and knew what it took to ride miles and miles on a bicycle like they do. The confidence, the balance, the strength and endurance that it takes, just to ride a few miles; let alone the thousands that I’ve now ridden, myself. I wasn’t thinking about their stories or their motivations for riding, in the first place. I wasn’t seeing that their motivations might be similar to what my own are, now. I wasn’t able to empathize with the people on the wheels because all I was seeing were the wheels, themselves.
Now that I’ve ridden, myself; and ridden myself of my brokenness for good, I can not only empathize, but I can see first-hand, the troubles that can exist when we don’t. How easy it is to become frustrated with someone because of how they use the same roadway; it’s about perspective. Two wheels, vs four. Muscle powered, vs engine driven. Exposed and vulnerable, vs protected inside a motorized vehicle. This activity is challenging. The road, itself is challenging. And, each rider is at a different level of experience. Each cyclist has a different motivation for riding. Each, a different story.
Some, are riding for physical fitness; strength, endurance and cardiovascular health. Others, for the active meditation, stress relief and mental clarity the road provides them. Some ride as a way of proving to themselves the simple fact that they can overcome! Some, like me; for all of the above. All, have a story, and all, like me, have overcome many challenges and obstacles. All, have climbed many hills; both literally and metaphorically. All, have a reason they ride. A reason for climbing on that bike and riding miles on those wheels every day. Every person you see out on the roads, does. Cyclists, walkers, runners, alike. They all have a story and all have something that motivates them; to better themselves in some way. They have all risen above themselves in some way to; overcome challenges, fight illness and injury, and heal themselves. Body, mind and spirit. And, they are all working their asses off; literally and metaphorically, just to keep going every day.
So, before you judge or criticize. Before you get frustrated with them for seemingly overtaking the road, or failing to yield, understand that their roads have all been in some way, extremely challenging. That the road, itself is challenging. They are fighting the elements, the terrain, their own motivation and skill levels, and the fear of falling again, if they can no longer ride. So, be empathetic. Learn their story so that you can either support them, or get out of their way; not derail their progress.
Share. Share some empathy with them. Give them kudos. Share the road. And for all their safety and well-being (and because it’s the law), MOVE OVER! Keep them safe so that they can live to fight another battle, and ride another day.
And, if you see me out there, acknowledge my battle; my story. Give me a honk or a wave. Play, "Eye of the Tiger", loudly! Whatever you think would motivate you, in the same way. And, please... move over; keep me safe so I can live to fight another day and ride another mile on my wheels.
And, an added bonus to the result of riding miles on my wheels...