Sweet Silver Lining - 1st Anniversary Blog Post
"I want to help someone. I want to reach that girl or that boy who wakes up one day and feels like it’s not worth it anymore...Maybe, it's like, I don't need to be famous, and I don't need all the money in the world. It's not about that. It's about that girl who's have a horrible day and she hears your song and for five minutes there's hope, you know? It's like, for five minutes the worlds not such a scary place for her anymore.” – Mia Catalano, One Tree Hill quote
One year ago, today, I began this blog. I had been writing a book about my military experience, and my journey from illness to wellness. Throughout the process of which, I saw myself having to relive the past; traumas, losses, grief and sadness from the past that haunted me like a ghost in a nightmare. Edits and re-edits; revisiting a place that brought it all to the surface with each revision. With my physical and mental health already in disrepair, I found this exercise too difficult. I found that I was dwelling in the darkness too much, and in doing so, was not focusing on wellness, but illness. And, by focusing on illness, I was not getting well. So, I made the decision to scrap the book idea, and to share my story and my thoughts on life, love and loss via this medium instead. Well, it was the best decision I ever made, in regards to my writing anyway.
As a result of this blog, I’ve not only found a means with which to share my thoughts, but also a creative outlet that has contributed to my wellness. It has helped me express thoughts and feelings and then put them away. It has given me an opportunity to process some of the subsequent emotions that went along with these experiences, and their associated memories. it has allowed me to reach others who might be struggling in the same manner, and has even seen some reach out to me, and express their thoughts and feelings on my writing. Some have shared how my pieces resonate with them, and some have gone as far as to tell me their stories, as well. This experience has helped me to forge new relationships, and to deepen existing friendships. And, it’s seen me connect and affect, in ways that I never realized that I could.
Not that having readers was my only goal but having someone read a piece you write, and comment on how it resonates with them, holds the same level of catharsis as the writing, itself sometimes. So, I want to thank all of those who have taken the time to read some of my posts. Those who have shared, and commented, and those who have reached out. I write because I have to. I write for catharsis, and I write for creative expression. But writing for readers is a completely different experience. It makes you feel like you have something to offer others. Writing for catharsis increases your self-awareness; whereas, writing for readership, increases your self-efficacy.
Writing for you has allowed me to feel like I’m making a difference; even if it’s just one piece, or a sentence within that piece, that affects someone else positively. That one girl or boy, man or womxn who was having a bad day. As expressed in the quote above, I want to “reach that girl or that boy who wakes up one day and feels like it’s not worth it anymore”. I want, even if it’s only for “five minutes”, to show them that, “the worlds not such a scary place for her anymore”, that there is someone out there that can relate, and someone that has their back. To contribute to their wellness in some way. And, by creating this blog, and having so many people respond and reach out as they have, I feel like I’ve succeeded in doing just that. And, that by having them do so, they have contributed to my wellness, as well.
"But so many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight but I'm just surviving. I may be weak but I'm never defeated. And Ill keep believing In clouds with that sweet silver lining." - "Sweet Silver Lining", Kate Voegele (plays Mia Catalano on One Tree Hill)
Thank you; for reading, for commenting and sharing, and for reaching out. Your kindness has contributed to my wellness, and has become the sweet silver lining in what was once a very dark cloud surrounding my existence.