Serendipitous - A Letter to my Ex-Husband
“And I'm doing just fine. I'm always landing on my feet. In the nic of time. And by the skin of my teeth. I ain't gonna stress. Cause the worst ain't happened yet. Somethings watching over me. Like Sweet Serendipity” – “Sweet Serendipity”, Lee DeWyze
Dear J,
I saw you yesterday. You saw me too; you even waved at me. I was the one riding the bike down your road, while you were sitting in your truck, talking to your neighbour. I’m positive, that had you known it was me, that you wouldn’t have waved. Because I know you; or at least I know the guy you were when we were together. Perhaps you’re not that guy anymore; perhaps, like me, you have changed and grown throughout the years we have spent apart. Perhaps you have had the opportunity; like me, to do some deep introspection, and make necessary changes in your life that make you a better person now. Perhaps. One can hope, anyway. Either way; even if you’re still the same person that I knew you as when we were married and, even if that means that you are acquisitive, heedless and uncharitable, I still waved back. Even though, you more than likely, didn’t recognize that it was me that was waving at you.
That was no accident. I don’t believe in accidents and coincidences. Everything happens for a reason and at the time it was meant to happen. And, although it might have seemed oddly coincidental, at the time, one would have to look at the series of decisions made by me, prior to running into you; in that precise place, and at that precise time. Decisions like; wanting to go for a bike ride, but knowing that my daughter was on her way here to visit. Not wanting to miss her so, reaching out to her to find out when she was arriving. Calculating how much time I would have for a ride before she arrived. Asking if she had her bike, so she could ride with me. Finding out that she hadn’t brought her bike and suggesting a walk instead. Her agreeing to an after dinner walk with me. Then, while waiting; longer than she said she would be, texting her back and saying that I might go for a ride anyway. Her saying that she would just swim when she got here and wait for me to come home so, we could eat dinner together and then go for a walk later. Me deciding to wait until she arrived before going for a ride. Then, me changing my course for my ride, because I wanted to ride and then be back to have dinner with her. Shorter ride, because I wanted the energy to do a walk with her later, as well. Changing the direction of the ride, because of a hill that I loathe climbing on my bike; because I wanted to go down it instead of up it this time. And, then; arriving at the precise moment, from the precise direction that I did, to run into you and have you wave at me, and I at you. Decisions; that were not actually decisions at all but; divine intervention. Perfectly timed and executed to put us in the same place, at the same time. For the first time in years.
Timed perfectly; for me anyway, when I was in a place in my head and heart, where I was forgiving and loving, despite everything that had happened between us. A place where, I could wave and be okay with being that friendly. Where I could experience your amiability, for the first time since our divorce. Even if you didn’t know that it was me. A place, in my head and heart, where I was charitable, myself. Willing and able to see past the past; to lesson in it all and allow myself to grow from the pain. And, a place where I was able to recall of these things, without reliving them, or grieving the same loss, and the rejection over and over again; like I had so many times in the past. A place, where I was able to forgive your faithlessness. Where I could forgive broken promises and disloyalty. And, a place where, I could write about it without pain.
The timing was serendipitous. The timing was divine. I had just begun this series of letters; to people who played a role in my life, in one way or another, that changed my life. Whether for the immediate better or worse. The timing was serendipitous; just like the timing of our relationship was. Just like all of those times that we had met but not got together; time after time, meeting after meeting. Like, meeting at the Tack Shoppe, and talking. Like you coming into the café where I worked, over and over again. Like you asking me to dance at our mutual friend’s wedding; in front of your wife, at the time. And, like you getting involved with the same youth organization that my kids were a part of, and that I ultimately became involved with. Or, like you and I having met, in the strange way we did, and learning of all of these ‘serendipitous’ meetings and missed connections. All of these, “coincidences”, as I once referred to them as. Or, like when we did finally come together; in the time and way that we were meant to come together, we learned of all of our similar interests and how many mutual friends we had. Which, along with our chemistry, were the materials with which we forged our relationship. The timing of our inevitable demise was serendipitous, as well. But I didn’t know that, at the time.
Serendipitous; the best way of describing everything about our relationship. The needs that we were both able to meet, at the times that those needs required meeting, by way of our coming together, in itself were serendipitous. They say people come into our lives; for a season, a reason or a lifetime. I thought you were a lifetime, but I now know that you were part reason, part season. I now know what those reasons were, and how long that season was supposed to be; the precise amount of time that was needed to fulfill those reasons, within the season. And, I’m okay with that. I know that, together; we overcame obstacles, tackled big change, dealt with loss, rebuilt ourselves and our lives. We raised kids, we work toward our dreams; both together and individually. We helped the children grow through the chaos and pain of their lives, caused in part, by other family dysfunction that we could not change or control. We gave the children a real, ‘family’ life and lifestyle for a time; throughout a very important time in their lives; a time when they needed that stability and freedom to grow. And, we were able to do all of this, while still being there for one another in one way or another; for better or worse. Sometimes, better, and sometimes worse. But we did it. And, the end, was the inevitable end. The timing, was the inevitable timing. We experienced what we were meant to experience, and, we both learned what we were meant to learn. Because we were together when were, and when and how we were meant to be. Sweet serendipity for almost a decade. And, although the end wasn’t sweet, it was serendipitous, as well.
As the lyrics in the song, “Sweet Serendipity”, say, “I’m doing just fine”. I landed on my feet. In the nick of time, and by the skin of my teeth, but I did it. And I did it all by myself. Without you. And, when and how I was meant to do it; alone. What will be, will be. What is meant to be, will be. Something’s watching over me, and I’m okay because of it. I’m okay; because of divine intervention and divine timing. I’m okay because of the sweetness of serendipity. And, despite everything, I forgive you. And, I hope you’re okay too.