Where is the Love logo, Black Eyed Peas
Too Much - Where is the Love
I was watching videos on Youtube this morning and I came across a talk by Pastor Steven Furtick, where he was talking about burdens that we carry, in and of our world. In it, he talked about our ability and inability to stand up for ourselves and others, because of the weight of the world these days, “They’re showing us now, by studies on compassion fatigue, that by knowing everything bad that happens in the world, we are becoming unable to mobilize to do anything about the real things that we can affect. Because we are so overwhelmed with too much”, and this really resonated with me. Because I’ve been at this point. I’ve been at critical mass; where everything is just too much. Every burden too heavy and too much to bare, alone. Where I felt that the weight of the world was my responsibility and carried it for so long on my shoulders; trying to fix everything, for everyone I encountered, that it became too much. Too much sorrow. Too much conflict. Too much suffering. Too much stress. Too much hatred. Too much anger, bitterness, hurt and pain. I carried it for others, because I believed that I could. What I didn’t realize was that it was slowly corroding my soul. From deep inside my being. It was corroding my compassion and my self-efficacy and self-worth. It was taking my ability to help others and twisting it so, that I no longer believed in myself and my ability to help others.
“Too much”, he said again, “send them away, it’s too much. I can’t fix it all, it’s too much”, I’ve been there too. When I finally broke, and said, “enough, it’s too much for me”. I finally gave up trying to fix others, when I suddenly realized that I could barely fix myself, at that moment. I started, “send[ing] them away”. I stopped reading the news, stopped commenting on people’s social media posts, or sharing things that were also, “too much”. I stopped reading things that I didn’t want to read and listening to things I didn’t want to hear. I stopped interacting with people, both online and in person, when I thought that these interactions would have an adverse effect on me. In fact, I stopped, ‘peopling’, altogether, for a time; because people became ‘too much’; their burdens, “too much”. Those that I had tried so hard to help, became what ultimately derailed me; because they were too much and their problems were too much.
Throughout his talk, he also said, “If the spirit of too much stays on you too long, it will become the spirit of not enough”, and I felt that at the very core of my being. That I’d had the spirit of too much, stay on me way too long. That I’d been taking on others pain and helping to heal them for so long that I didn’t realize that I wasn’t doing a damn thing to fix myself. That it had become too much, for too many years, before I even realized that it was too much. Too much for me to take on, alone and without any help. And it broke me; nearly killed me, actually. And I gave up on trying to effect change or be that change for anyone, anymore. He also said, “So, you start sending opportunities away, because you don’t believe you have the resource to meet the need”, and he’s right; this is exactly what I did.
I stopped trying to help others, and I started focusing on me, for a time. Being selfish, both; with my time and with my energy. I stopped spreading light and love to others, because I had started to believe that I didn’t have any more to spread. That I barely had enough for myself and that, if I gave any away, I would diminish my own resources so much, that I wouldn’t have any left for me. The thing I didn’t realize at the time, was that by spreading light and love; by loving more than ourselves, we actually multiply our love, not divide it. The more love we give, the more we receive. The more, light we spread; the more, light we get shone back on us. The problem with knowing too much, however, is it’s hard to see that light and love when you’re always seeing the bad things that people do to one another. When you’ve seen the very worst of others, it’s difficult to see that light in that darkness; so much darkness. If the weight of the entire world is on your shoulders, you end up pushed so far down the well that, the light is hard to see. We need help. We need each other to help us through. Especially when we’re at the end of our strength and have said, it’s too much. It is too much for one person. It’s too much for an entire village, sometimes. We cannot take on this weight, alone. We need to feel love to spread it. We need to see light, to shine it.
We also need to look to and for the light to help us; instead of focusing on the darkness. We need to do; just as I had done when it all became too much, look away from that darkness. Guard our hearts when we see things that look like darkness; ugly, hateful social media posts and rants, engaging with people who like to argue for no reason, other than to argue. For some reason, in our society today, we don’t understand how and when to choose our battles, at all, let alone, wisely. It seems we feel, because we can engage; anyone, anytime, anywhere, that we should engage. This isn’t true. Sometimes, we need to choose our battles to protect ourselves. Sometimes, we need to do so, in order to protect others, and give them the peace they need, as well. Sometimes, we need to choose our battles and choose our words carefully, not only to help others, but sometimes, even to save lives. Because if you’re fighting a battle, you can be assured that someone else is, as well. How do you know what effect your words will have on them? How do you know where they're at? As I penned in an earlier post, our words have the power to both harm, and heal. Why not choose the ones that heal?
We also need to guard our hearts before we even open the social media apps; to let us see what is truly important and what, of the “too much”, we can live without allowing into our lives; to be a part of our day. We need to eliminate some of the worlds darkness; by consciously choosing to ignore some of this, “too much”, before we (like me), again begin to feel like we’re, “not enough” and stop spreading light. We need to choose our battles, and stop allowing it all in so, we can live and have the strength to fight another day; for ourselves and for others. We need to stop dwelling in the darkness, “too much”, so that we can see and spread light for others, before it all becomes, “too much”, for them as well. When we can’t find light, we need to find it and spread it. When we can’t find love, we need to spread love, too. Because there is no such thing as, “too much”, love and, “too much”, light.