I Won't Give Up
"I won't give up... even if the skies get rough... I'm still looking up... God knows you're worth it". - Jason Mraz, "I Won't Give Up".
Do you ever feel like you’re being tested? Like the ‘universe’ is telling you that you’ve got something to learn, something you need to do, or something to give others? That there is something that you’re meant to do, have, or be but that this ‘something’ is indiscernible to you? I have felt this way so many times and in so many ways throughout my life but never as much so as I am feeling right now; not this greatly. What’s changed? Well at first, I thought it was because I’ve fairly recently immersed myself more than ever in my faith. That I’d committed to walking the narrow path that I so often, usually veered on and off of, at my own convenience, in the past. I thought it was that; that I was finally living more closely to my purpose than ever before. That I’d stopped questioning the voice inside me that was telling me which direction to go in, as I’d too often done before. But after some quiet, but intense reflection and meditation, I realized that it wasn’t that. But that it’s just that I am finally, really listening.
It’s that I’ve opened my ears, and am now, more fully open to the idea that what is happening in my life is for a reason. That there is a purpose for me, and a plan for my life. You’ve heard the saying, “God never gives you more than you can handle”? Well, it’s actually scripture; a very loose translation of 1 Corinthians 10:13. It’s just a small piece of that verse, however. What it actually says, and means; is that you won’t be tested beyond your capability of handling whatever test you’re given. And, where you falter, you will be given the strength and the help you need to get through these kinds of tests. In other words, you will not be given what you cannot handle, alone. That you will not be alone in these tests; you will be given precisely what and who, you need to get through it all. All you have to do is look around you and see. All you have to do is listen.
I’ve been listening very intently lately; more so than normal, even. Because there are some pretty big things that I’ve been going through, and some very great lessons I need to learn. I feel like I am not just being tested, but being ‘put to the test’. Like, there is a plan for me and my life, that is far greater than the plans I had for myself. But, the more I listen, it seems the more confused I get. The more pieces of this puzzle that I uncover, the more difficult and complex that puzzle actually becomes. This isn’t new to me; I’ve been tested before.
For those of you who have read some of my older posts, you’ll see just how difficult some of those tests and trials were for me. You’ll see how dark it got for me. But I always made it through, and came out the wilderness with more light and love in my life; because, despite the fact that I didn’t really listen well, I still listened. I took the messages that I received from that ‘inner voice’, and I reached out to those who could help me through. I waited, I suffered a bit, and then looked for the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel to guide me out; the person or thing that I was given to help me through that particular trial.
Throughout all of these trials, I’ve realized the power of listening to these messages; those ‘inner voices’ in the back of your heart and mind, telling you what you need to do to get through the suffering, and to help get you back on track in your life. I’ve learned the power of not giving up; of staying the course and reaching out for that person or thing. I’ve also learned that, the more you listen, the more you hear. The more you listen, the more careful you have to be; to discern which voice you’re really listening to. Your head or your heart? I’ve listened to my head a lot over the years, more so even, than my heart.
I’ve made decisions from a place of logic and reason that have ultimately resulted in creating bigger problems for me, in the end. When I’ve listened to my heart, I’ve always ended up where I am supposed to be; and always happier and more at ease with these decisions. Often though, the decisions we make from the head are the easier ones; the ones that get us to where we want to go, quicker and with more ease. Too often, we grow impatient waiting to hear from the heart, or don’t’ believe the heart knows, rightly what we need. Too often, we give up because of our impatience, and miss the greater blessing that was waiting for us, had we listened rightly, and made decisions accordingly.
I’ve done the same thing myself, in the past as well. I gave up on my heart and took what I wanted, instead of waiting for what I needed. I grew impatient and missed out on the greater gift; the blessing that was meant for me. But I think I had to miss it to appreciate it; had to lose it to see it for what it was. I had to listen, rightly and be patient. I had to learn to stop giving up and settling for something less than, what I deserved. To wait for something, I needed rather than something I simply wanted. Which is what I’ve finally decided to do; listen rightly, to my heart. Wait for what I need, and what is meant for me, instead of taking what I want.
To patiently listen to that inner voice, to hear what it’s truly telling me to do; which direction to go, and which person or person(s) is/are involved in this particular lesson. I have to trust that I won’t be tested beyond my capability of handling whatever test I’m given. And, when and where I falter, I will be given the strength and the help that I need to get through these tests. That I won’t do this alone. That I will be given precisely what and who I need to get through it all, and that if I listen, rightly I will be pointed in the right direction. That, the tests I am enduring now, will lead me to where and with whom, am meant to go. And, that the only way that I can get where I need to be, is to listen, rightly and to not give up.
Even though I'm being tested, I won't give up. "Even if the skies get rough". And you shouldn't either. God knows, you're worth it!