The Power of Words
My former husband, J, used to tell me that I used, “power words”, to try to make him feel guilt; over having done or not done something with or for me or our family. Words like, “abandoned”; which Merriam Webster Dictionary defines as, “left without needed protection, care, or support “, or, “betrayed”, defined as, “treacherously abandoned, deserted, or mistreated”. He used to tell me, especially nearing the end of the relationship; when he was determined to leave me and, my half of our blended family for another woman (who would later become his new wife) and her children, that my words had the power to cut people down, or build them back up. I know, that he felt cut down by my words because of the guilt that he felt at having been unfaithful. And I sensed the shame he suffered because of this infidelity and his inability to respect and carry out his vows to me, and mine. I know this because he left us without 'needed protection, care, or support', by 'deserting and mistreating us'.
I suffered a lot as a result of this, 'abandonment', and 'betrayal', and he obviously knew that I would, because when he heard me say these words, his reaction was like a thousand knives cutting him. The old me would say, “Good, he deserves to suffer this shame and feel this guilt”. Now, all I can do is pray that he has found peace with himself for all that he has done, and forgive him. Were, I to see him again, I would tell him that I forgive him. And, in doing so, I know he would feel the 'power' within these words, as well; the power to build him back up.
In the same way, I was always very careful with the words that I used with my children, so as not to do damage or harm to them; as a way of lifting them up, as I was raising them up. Even so, they tell me that I also used some of these 'power words', with them. Words like, “disappointed”; defined as, “defeated in expectation or hope”, inadvertently telling my children that they didn’t live up to my expectations and that I lacked hope for them. I didn’t say this to mean that I’d lost hope in them living up to my expectations.
I also didn’t realize that I had expectations that they needed to live up to. In my heart, I believed my role in their lives; as their mother, was simply to love them, guide them in the right direction and give them a good, solid foundation. Spiritual, psychological, emotional and physical foundation; and I thought that this was what I was doing for them. But using words like these, I shaped them in ways that I didn’t realize I was shaping them. Ways that made them feel like they had to not, 'disappoint', me, themselves or others. A word that made them all seek perfection, in their own ways. I did, however, always have good and pure intentions and, wanted them to be happy and fulfilled, holistically. I didn’t realize the harm that could be done with these words.
Last evening, I was doing a study and kept finding words in one book, that were contrary or confusing to the ones used in the other book of the same author; words translated over and over again, and lost in translation. The uses of these words, caused so much confusion and ultimately, took me on a journey to decode the meaning behind these words. Words like; “favour”, in place of “grace”, or “perfect”, in place of “righteous”. “Favour”; defined as, “a gracious kindness”, whereas, “grace”, is defined in very different ways. Grace; “unmerited divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration or sanctification; a virtue coming from God; a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine assistance”. Also, defined as a “special favour”. So, using “favour”, is like saying that grace, is actually just a kindness of sorts, whereas, grace is that special and divine kind of favour, granted to us by God; and that we are to pay forward to others, in kind.
Perfect; meaning, “being entirely without fault or defect: flawless”. Whereas, “righteous”, is defined as, or means, “acting in accord with divine or moral law; morally right or justifiable”. Meaning that, “perfect” would be to be Godly, and divine, as opposed to flawed and human. And righteous, would be to have aspirations to be as Godly as possible but not perfect, per se. As, if and when we reach perfection, we are no longer human.
Thinking about the potential impact of these words on the various readers; because of their own perceptions, and often their unwillingness to dig deep and try to decode them, I realized that, J was right; words are powerful. They are amazing tools, that have the power to both harm and heal. One word can change a person’s life; for the better or the worse. One word or sentence can drastically alter a person’s life path. The words within the books we read, the words we speak to one another, and the words that are translated from language to language, throughout the ages, literarily illustrating history, and mankind’s creation; have been the cause of wars and strife, and in contrast, have also healed hearts and saved lives. Words; our laws are founded upon them, our belief systems developed through them, values and morals formed by them.
Knowing this, and being a writer; having been given the gift of words, I’ve come to realize why it is so important to be careful with our words. Why we have to seek the truth behind that particular word or translation of another word, in another language. Because a word that means something to you, might mean something completely different to someone else. Because how it translates doesn’t always make sense to the readers perception; it can be taken out of context, and lives built around words that are a part of people’s worlds, but that don’t properly describe what they’re trying to describe.
As Edward Bulwer-Lytton once wrote, "The pen is mightier than the sword". We need to understand this, live by this, and we need to wield our pens responsibly. And, if we find ourselves confused by the words we hear, or read, we need to seek clarification. We need to decode the words that were spoken or written so that we stop creating strife through miscommunication; or leading others astray through the same means. And, we need to use our words to build others up, show compassion and love; and seek the words that lead us in this direction, in the first place. We need to seek the truth; within the right words.
I found this video AFTER I wrote this post.
And this song is perfectly aligned with this post - the perfect words to explain my words.