A Time for Change
Ursula K. Le Gun wrote, “A writer is a person who cares what words mean, when trying to say it. By using words well, they strengthen their souls. Story tellers and poets spend their lives learning that skill and the art of using words well. And their words make the souls of the readers stronger, brighter, deeper”.
I’ve been quiet for a while once again because I've been trying to find the words to talk about change. As I’ve said before, when I get quiet though, it’s not because I’ve got nothing to say but that there is far too much that I want to say and I need time to reflect. I have too much on my mind and I want to find the right words to express what I want to say. Having too much on my mind sometimes, makes it difficult to differentiate between what’s good or useful fodder for my writing and what should be left unsaid. It's hard to talk about change; especially this time of year.
Sometimes, because of the depth of content within these pages, I am afraid that I will offend or do harm to my readers with something I say, if I don’t say it right. I want to strengthen, brighten and deepen the minds of my readers; not do harm to them, or set them back in anyway. When my mind is this overflowing with thoughts and ideas, I find myself in deep contemplation, trying to find the right words, and allowing the universe to guide me on how to use these words well.
I often go through times of deep contemplation like this; especially at this time of year; when, like most people, I reflect on my life and think about what I’ve been through. Like most, I think about love and loss, experiences and lessons, and about everything and everyone in my life that mattered or matters to me; that brought or continues to bring meaning to it. I don’t often go backwards; it’s not the direction I like to go because all that exists there are lessons. I do look back though when necessary, however; not to sit there too long or dwell there but to see where I’ve been and figure out where I’m going.
I recall memories of things I’ve done, people I’ve loved, things I’ve lost and people I’ve lost. I think of family, and how that’s changed; of marriages and divorces and deaths and births, and how that effected my life and others in my life, as well. I meditate on these experiences and what they’ve taught me; or tried to teach me, and reflect on what this means for the rest of my life and the time I have left. What changes I may need to make to have a life that’s full, healthy and authentic moving forward.
This year, like many, I’ve taken time out of everything else to spend time with my family and friends before doing this; before putting my thoughts on paper (or in this case, on a screen of whichever device you’re reading this on). That doesn’t mean I haven’t also, taken this time to contemplate what it is that I want to say to you, or what I need to do for me from here on in. I’ve spent quite a bit of time reflecting on my life and the memories I hold dear, and have spent time making new ones with my loved ones and, like everyone does this time of year, I now find myself looking back on the year I’m leaving behind in a few days. Looking back and forward, simultaneously; on the year that’s coming to an end, and on the new year that lies ahead of me.
I don’t do this often. On the contrary, I’m usually the kind of person who likes to try to live within each and every moment; begin anew each moment of each day, as opposed to beginning anew with each year. Because I am painfully aware that this very moment is all that we really have. That he present moment is the only place we can live, exist and find happiness. But because I am also all about learning from our experiences, I like to take a look back long enough to find a perspective that fits where I am now and where I might be headed. I don’t do this often, but this time of year seems to elicit this type of reflection.
This time of year, sees us all looking hard at ourselves and reflecting on what needs to be changed; for us, by us and within us and in our lives. The idea of a ‘new year, new you’, that often has us flooding back to the gym, promising to cut back on toxic and bad things and to adopt more healthy and positive habits and lifestyles. It sees us making often, unrealistic promises to ourselves and the people in our lives that we will live better, love better and be better because we have a chance to start anew, and really and truly want to be different or better than we were the year before.
We have done our best all throughout the year but don’t feel that it’s been enough; we want more out of our lives and we want this new beginning to be our chance to see this to fruition. A chance to live the kind of life we truly want to live and to make the kind of memories that we have always wanted to have to look back on. We see this new beginning as a way of making this happen but don’t necessarily know how or what that will look like. We are well-intentioned but because we go in with more hopefulness than tools of change, we often fail. And, because we consider this a ‘brand new start’ for a ‘brand new year’, we put too much weight on it and too much pressure on ourselves to succeed in this ‘new’ us. So much so, that when we fail, we fall. As if it’s the end of the world when we stop going to the gym regularly again, or when we cheat on our diet once or twice. We see this as a failure to start anew instead of what it really is; a lapse. A twist or turn on our path. It’s not the end of the road, it’s just a bump in the road.
We need to be patient with ourselves, compassionate towards ourselves and realistic about this kind of ‘new beginning’. Instead of putting so much weight on a ‘new year’; we need to start seeing each ‘new day’ as a chance for change and a new beginning. We need to also, be careful with our words. We need to be careful and choose how we speak to ourselves. We need to tell ourselves, what I'm telling you here; that we don't need to wait for another year to make changes in our lives. We can start anew every single moment, of every single day; it doesn’t have to be every January first that we try to be/do better and have more of what we think we need to have a better life.
We need to look at every single moment, within each and every day, as a potential to begin anew. You don’t like your hair; don’t wait until January 1st, change it right now. You don’t like where you live; move now, not in the new year. Having troubles with your partner; don’t try to fix it next year, start now. Start now for a better you and better relationships; couples counselling, or individual counselling, gym memberships, better eating habits, sleep more, find your bliss and practice it, use your skills and God-given talents to make your life and others lives better.
I know it sounds like it’s easier said than done; that it’s not that easy to change your life, but it really is. You don’t have to have everything lined up and everything in place to make a change; minor or major change, alike. All you have to do is start where you are with what you have and keep moving forward. While, at the same time, appreciate and get the most of each and every moment that you’re in, while you’re in it.
I say again; start where you are, with what you have and make the most of it. Find the tools that already exist in your toolbox instead of focusing on what you’re missing and make that change, the best way you can with what you have. While you’re at it, have patience, and compassion for yourself along the way; give yourself what you need in order to be happy while you’re making this change.
Find the tools. Take what you need from what is offered to you, or what you have to offer, yourself; love, hope, faith, patience, courage, understanding, peace, passion, healing, strength, beauty and freedom. Allow yourself to have whatever it is that you need to survive and thrive, and make the most of every single moment within each and every day, while you make these changes. Do this every day. Each day, accepting the new and letting go the old.
Eventually you will know where your life is leading you, and what you need to do to get there. With each change, each moment, every day thereafter, you will know that you are on the right path and be able to find the peace and fulfillment you were seeking, and that seemed outside of your reach before. I've done this; over and over again, with every new day that I've been lucky enough to have been given. When things were dark and toxic, and I thought there was no way out of the darkness. I started anew each and every day, until one day, I realized that something had monumentally changed within me, and my life.
Most monumental and lasting change in our lives doesn’t happen overnight. Most lasting change happens over a period of days, weeks, months and sometimes even, years. Most great change, we don’t even necessarily see happening.
Starting anew doesn’t have to be a grand gesture like that of New Year’s resolutions or similarly good-intentioned commitments to change. It can be as simple as starting where you are, with what you have, and committing to being present in the moment, every single moment, within each and every day.
It doesn’t have to be a big, triumphant hoorah at committing to change everything in your life that makes it miserable or inauthentic. It can be as simple as making the decision to allow change in your life; accepting that some things need changing and committing to seeing this happen over time. Even if that means taking baby steps each day.
In ancient Roman mythology, Janus is known as the God of new beginnings; beginnings, gates, transitions, time, duality, doorways, passage and endings, in fact. He is usually depicted with two faces, as he is supposed to be looking to both the past and the future. It is thought in some circles, that Janus is the deity of the month of January, which is why some put so much weight on the new beginning within each new year. However, Juno, is actually the deity of the month for January; Juno, representing cyclical renewal of time. So, January is in fact, simply a change within time, itself. And, is not meant as a change or renewal for individuals, anyway. Instead, Janus, being the deity of transition, should be seen as director of change within the individual. Directing those in need of change, to seek inspiration to help them see the right doorways and gates; to understand where something ends and something else begins, and see the natural transition of each, instead of forcing change by using a calendar.
In other words, if you are looking to myth or tradition to guide you along your path, and you are looking to change, according to this myth or tradition, then you should be looking at Janus as a guide for the individual, and Juno, to direct you to change your calendar, only.
As I said earlier, we need to be patient with ourselves, compassionate towards ourselves and realistic about new beginning; this includes seeing the natural and necessary beginnings and endings. If we have things in our lives that we feel that need changing, we need to start anew with each new day, instead of putting so much weight on each ‘new year’. We need to allow ourselves to walk through each door that opens, as it opens and close each door, as it closes; instead of waiting for the calendar to change, the old year to exit and a new year to enter, in order for us to allow for that change. And, we need to do it naturally, authentically and realistically.
Start where we are and use what we have and allow ourselves the patience and compassion to let change happen in its own time; in our time, in our way. Not when everyone else says, “new year, new you”.