Christmas Gifts
Looking back through my ‘memories’ of the holiday season over the past several years, I see how much life has changed for me; how much holidays have changed for me. Since I’ve had kids, I’ve gone from having parents, grandparents and great grandparents for them to celebrate Christmas with to being alone, with them and making the best of situations that were not what I would have considered ideal; not my Christmas wish. From, running the roads and taking them to various different family members’ homes to eat meals, open gifts, visit family and watch Christmas movies to being alone with just the four of us. They’ve been very lucky to have had such a big and very giving family throughout the years but that was not always the case. Even then, they made the most of it and appreciated everything we had and what they were given.
I also, remember times when, because I had very little money, I was unable to give them much, myself. One year, in particular where, I didn’t have a tree or money to buy one so, we drew a huge Christmas tree on a piece of paper, coloured it all in, and made decorations for it. Then we sat down to listen to Christmas music on cassette tapes, eat popcorn and drink hot chocolate while we decorated this paper Christmas tree. It was one of the hardest but most beautiful and memorable Christmases I ever celebrated with them. I’ve had Christmases that were polar opposite to this one;, when I was lucky enough to live a life of abundance at the time, and was able to give the kids substantially more, materially than in previous years. I certainly made up for the years that I hadn’t had much to give them, materially but those Christmases weren’t any better than that one year when we decorated the paper tree we’d made together; with decorations we’d also, made together. When we hads spent more time and less money.
I look back at how much has changed over the years; how so many people have left my life and theirs throughout these years; some having passed away, and some having left and started new lives and families. I still think of them all; mostly, fondly. I still wish them all well, regardless of what their presence or absence in my life/our lives did to and for me/us. I think of all of the changes over the years and how different Christmas has been for the kids and I from one year to the next.
Even from 2009 to now; having gone from being married with five kids, with everyone home for Christmas for three of those years, to being separated and left to celebrate alone with the kids for a few of the following years. A few years with daughter number two living abroad and unable to come home for Christmas. One year, where we even spent Christmas away from home, with daughter number one’s in-laws, and their family.
The following year, daughter number two was away again, unable to come home for Christmas. That was the year I tore up my knee. We had no tree, no decorations and nothing was wrapped because I was on crutches and couldn’t even shop until the kids got home to take me shopping for their gifts. The first year that she was home, and we were all together again, we had a huge, traditional Christmas with all the fixings; last year, was like something out of a Hallmark card – this is three years running now where we’ve all been together and had a beautiful holiday together. Three years running, where we have been able to have our Christmas wish; time spent with one another and the gift of peace and love.
This year was supposed to be a more ‘relaxed’ Christmas; one where we spent less money and more time again, and where we didn’t worry too much about the traditional stuff like baking and cooking a huge dinner. However, daughter number two likes traditional Christmas dinner; and having been away from home for two of the previous Christmases, she has a right to ask for this. So, I once again, find myself cooking the turkey, ham, stuffing, and all the dinner fixings, as well. I don’t mind; I feel so blessed to have them all home that I am going to do this as often as I can, until I can’t anymore.
One day, one of them might be abroad again for the holiday. Or, it will be one of their turns to host Christmas one year. I do this and enjoy it, even though it’s a lot of work, because you never know what life will throw at you. As you can see from earlier posts I’ve penned, things haven’t always worked out as I planned them, so I tend to make the best of every moment I’m lucky enough to have and be grateful for what I do have regardless of what that is, or isn’t. Being grateful for what I have, gives me what I need and makes me appreciate how lucky I am. Some people aren’t so lucky. We managed to stick to the 'spend less money and more time' rule this year. Mostly because we all have everything we need and are grateful for what we have. It was actually a relief not having the hustle and bustle of shopping, excessive wrapping and dealing with traffic and crowds this year. It was also a relief to not have the debt associated with overspending for no good reason. It was nicer, having more time to spend with one another and less time unwrapping, cleaning up and packing away gifts.
Christmas isn’t supposed to be about gift giving anyway; unless it’s giving of ourselves to others and giving of our time; to our loved ones and our greater community. I would much rather have a quiet, and modest Christmas filled with the gift of love, light and spirit, than to have one with grand gestures that cost more than they were worth; money, time, mental health and wellness.
This Christmas, I am feeling very blessed; to have the love of my family, my faith and what’s left of my health and wellness. I am still here, I’m still breathing and I’m still able to celebrate this wonderful holiday with my beautiful family. Not matter what I’ve lost thus far, I still feel blessed for what remains. I have air in my lungs, food in my stomach, a roof over my head, warmth in my home and love in my heart. What more could I need this Christmas? What more could anyone need?
Regardless of what faith you are, or what you celebrate, I have a Christmas wish for you. I say Christmas because I am a Christian and I am wishing you these things in my way; because I care more about spreading love than I do about political correctness but I respect everyone else's diversity and love you as you are.
My Christmas wish for you all is that; you also, have air in your lungs, food in your stomach, a roof over your head, warmth in your home and love in your heart. That, no matter where you are, who you are with and who and what you are missing this year, you are still able to feel gratitude for the things you still have, and the gifts that you do receive; both material and spiritual. That, you appreciate what you have and, by doing so, have what you need throughout this holiday and every day, thereafter. That you are surrounded by peace, love and light and that this spreads through and from you to others, as well; and that you feel peace, comfort and joy, and love today and throughout the remainder of the holiday and the coming year.
My Christmas gift to you, is my wish for you; that you can feel as much love, and gratitude as I now feel, and that you will never have to walk alone, especially not throughout a holiday as powerful as Christmas.