Acceptance
"I can see clearly now The rain has gone I accept all the things that I cannot change Gone are the dark clouds The dawn has come It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day " - Grace VanderWal, "Clearly"
As you know, if you have read my recent blog posts, I’ve been struggling lately; with huge change and what that is going to look like in my life from here on in. I’ve found myself at a crossroads again; another transition, of sorts. I’ve been at crossroads before; I am no stranger to change and have made many major changes in my life, some along bumpy roads and others, smoother transitions. This time, however I’ve been finding myself lost and not knowing which direction to go. Finding it difficult to know how to find purpose and meaning without what I’ve always had. How to define myself, without this work I’ve always done. Finding it difficult to accept that I need to pass the baton to someone else, and change lanes, myself.
For so long, I’ve defined myself by what I did; as a career, as a volunteer, and even in my personal life – on and off duty. As a child, my hero was Wonderwoman. A fictional character, righting wrongs and delivering justice where it needed delivering. A strong, female ‘helper’ that helped me believe in something; in magic, superpowers and the power serving others. The power of helping people through difficult times, aspiring to seek and deliver justice and right wrongs done to others. I’ve spent my life, like this little girl and her hero, offering support and strength to the weak and those in need of something that I might have to offer. Trying to be a helper and a healer of sorts. Aspiring to be like Wonderwoman.
I penned a narrative about this yesterday, and suggested that I was working on letting go and surrendering. That I was going to stop trying to run a race and, instead work on being still. To quiet my heart so that I could hear and listen to the voice I needed to hear; the one that will lead me in a new, healthier direction. The one that will show me what’s next. Allow what’s for me, to come to me. To believe in this kind of magic again, and to allow the spirit of this magic and the superpower it wields to guide me there. And, to allow me to accept this change, and the guidance to it.
After I posted this, I had a beautiful day with daughter number one and our fur babies; busy, but beautiful. Both of us, needing this connection and downtime together, to help us both heal from months of chaos and discord. Both of us needing one another to help us through these difficulties and help lift one another up. Needing the animals in our lives; in their innocent perfection, unconditional love, acceptance and loyalty, to share in this healing energy. After which, I immersed myself in another form of healing energy; within a community of complete strangers, but where I felt that same unconditional love, loyalty and radical acceptance I felt with my daughter and our furry friends. With whom I had the most spiritually uplifting experience of my life thus far.
Within this community, I felt a connection so strong and so beautiful that I can only describe it as ‘inspired’ or ‘magic’. I felt cleansed; hope restored and redemption given. I felt accepted. And I realized once again, how important connection is in our lives; a healthy community and healthy connections and environments. I realized again, how important the spiritual component of our lives truly is, as well. That this is where the ‘magic’ exists in life. This is where we learn to accept change and the guidance to that change. Where we put away our stubbornness and allow ourselves to surrender and let go; let go of our expectations for ourselves, and our life and how we want things to turn out. Let things be as they're supposed to be, in order for us to accept this change and be well.
Learning about wellness and recovery counselling, in college, I’ve learned that recovery and wellness has to be approached from a biological, psychological, sociological, spiritual, cultural + perspective (BPS+ approach) to be effective. That, in order to be holistically well and recover wholly, we need to have a sense of meaning and purpose to drive us forward and give us hope. And, that we need to be open to and accepting of positive change in our lives. That, in order to do these things, we have to nurture all aspects of ourselves and our being. Biological; including our physical make-up, our brain and its functions, any kind of chemical or biological aspects of our brain and body that effects our wellness. We need to nurture this element with proper physical health, coping strategies and self-care practices; with the proper sleep, nutrition, exercise, rest and recovery, meditation, prayer, and sometimes medications that our bodies need to be well. And, when something changes within us, biologically, we need to adapt and find a way of making ourselves healthy, either way.
Psychological; being our perceptions and the beliefs we hold about ourselves, our lives, the world around us and relationships with others, and what that looks like to our wellness. That we need to challenge negative beliefs and harmful thoughts; that we need to see our thoughts and perceptions for what they are and where they come from. To understand that we are our thoughts; that what we think becomes who we are and how we behave. To see why our thought processes have come to be as they are. And, to work on retraining ourselves to change the negative, unrealistic and harmful thought patterns that prevent us from being well. And, that we need to accept this form of change, as well.
Sociological; being how our community and family affects us. How we were raised, our childhood and later experiences with others and our interpersonal relationships, and how that has affected our lives and our perceptions; how it impacts our psychology. How our social interactions, interpersonal relationships and our communities; including the greater global community and its influence through media and social media, affects us. How it has created, changed or altered our thoughts, beliefs and sense of self, and what that means to our wellness. That we need to look at this and see the effect it has had on our psychology and biology, as well. And that we need to look for healthy social supports both, throughout our recovery process and journey, and on a more permanent, long term basis to help us through each challenge we might face and each change we might experience. And, to give us a sense of community to help bring us meaning and purpose where it wouldn’t otherwise exist and help us accept change as it happens in our lives, as well.
And, as with the biological, and psychological facets of ourselves, we need to adapt to changes, in all facets. Sociologically, that adaptation may take the form of losing friends, family or partners, leaving a relationship or beginning a new one. Or, even that of leaving a subculture of sorts, like I experienced when leaving the military; leaving behind the sense of brotherhood and camaraderie that I’d had in this particular lifestyle. To be healthy and well, and recover from what ails us, we need to have this ability to adapt, and we need to find and belong to a healthy community; to re-establish the camaraderie and fellowship again.
We need to recognize how one facet of our being, influences the other to create the person we are. How one, effects the other and our make-up. How our needs are created based on each of these facets of our being; and how we need to nurture these things in order to be well; in order to recover from whatever ails us. This includes our spiritual needs; regardless of what our spiritual beliefs are. How our spiritual lives are either formed and molded by our biology, psychology and sociological influences around us, or are changed and altered by these facets of our life and our being. And, how our spiritual beliefs are created, changed or altered by these other facets of our being. How they can be formed and how they can be changed based on sociological and psychological influences in our lives. That these facets all make up and help to create our unique gift that we are meant to share with one another and the world. And they all determine how we respond to these kinds of change and how we adapt to new circumstances. Whether we sit too long in the empty, or find ways of re-filling and replenishing our bodies, mind and spirit.
My childhood fascination with Wonderwoman helped to form who I became and what I did with my gift. It helped to create this unique gift, that I in turn, shared with the world for forty-nine years. Recently, I lost the ability to share this gift in the way that I wanted to share it and have had to surrender to the idea that what is meant for me might be better for me than what I want and how I want it. That I need to listen to the voice that is telling me to believe in this child-like magic and the power of community, again. And, to rely on them to help me through this change and transition. To help me accept this, let go and surrender. To adapt and allow what is meant to be, to come to pass. To accept this change as a positive thing in my life and my being.
I’ve always nurtured the spiritual side of me and held onto the faith that I had in my heart, in my way and according to my belief systems but the experience last evening restored a faith I’d lost; in community, in humanity and in fellowship. It was an experience that left me feeling replenished by and through this magic and the community, itself. One of true fellowship; and of absolute trust. Where I could surrender to this voice and allow it to guide me to where it wants to take me next. That unburdened me of the worry of what comes next. Where I felt that there was still an important use for my unique gift even if it was to be dispensed in a different way than I originally imagined. Where I was able to accept myself as who and how I am now; where I am now.
I came home after this, feeling elated; lifted up and filled with gratitude and hope. Gratitude for the life I’ve lived so far and the blessings that I have been lucky enough to be given, and hope for a future that continued to allow me purpose and meaning; different purpose and meaning, but purpose and meaning, all the same. A sense of hope that, my spiritual wellness was not dependent on what I do; but that what I do, is based on my holistic wellness, including my spirituality.
When I returned home last evening, I checked the notifications on my blog page. There, I saw a comment from a friend; telling me it was time to hand the baton on to someone else so that I, myself could rest, heal and share my experiences. Suggesting that my ‘value’, or how I’ve defined myself for so long, doesn’t actually exist in my ‘work’.
I took this message to mean something that I’ve always said to others; something I was good at preaching but not at practicing. That what you do isn’t necessarily who you are, but simply what you do. What you do doesn’t always have define you. What defines you, through your unique make-up; your biology, psychology, sociology and spirituality is the unique gift you have to share with the world. Not what you do with it or how you deliver it.
What you do, doesn’t have to be done as a ‘work’, necessarily, in order for it to be of value, either. The work we are meant to do, is meant to be shared with one another; not just the work, itself but the load, as well. We are meant to hand off the baton and share that load with one another and our community so, that we don’t end up broken by this work; like I was. Because I’m not Wonderwoman; no human being is that strong in reality. And, we are meant to share our experiences; speak our own unique truths and reach out to one another with compassion. And, we are meant to share that same compassion with ourselves; be accepting of ourselves, as we are and where we are.
We are made to help one another. We are made to live in our communities together; healthy communities made up of like-spirited individuals who accept us, and us them. Where we can hear that quiet voice, see clearly and accept the changes, and ourselves, where and how we are; as we are, in this moment. For this moment, is all there really is. And what is meant for us, will come to us in time. All we have to do is quiet ourselves, listen to and surrender to that voice inside telling us how, where and when to share our gift. All we have to do is practice gratitude and acceptance.
