Moments
“I haven't always been this way. I've had my moments, days in the sun. Moments I was second to none. Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do” – Emerson Drive, “Moments”
I was going to do a blog post on how short life is and how everyone should understand and appreciate the fragility of life and be grateful for the time they have. Then, my favourite ring broke; my birthstone and the one I bought for myself as a symbol of my commitment to taking some time alone (I know, I know; with my recent openness to the possibility of partnership and couple hood, as of late and, my willingness to listen to the universe to guide me, it’s a little strange that it was this ring. Especially considering that I just paid over $300 to have it re-set and everything tightened and fixed a few months prior. I know, the irony is not lost on me; but that’s an entirely different blog post for another day). Either way, suddenly my middle finger felt naked without this ring, where it normally resides. I thought I would look for a ring to replace this one until I could get the other one fixed so, I started searching my house; a task, which in itself, is no small feat. I’m hardly a hoarder, like my mother but I’m certainly no minimalist either. I'm known both, for being a collector or things, and of moments. Things, more as a younger woman; moments, more now as I get older, and time gets more precious.
Throughout this ring seeking adventure, I discovered an antique crock that I’d had for many years, and that I’d been known to pack and move without emptying, on occasion. Knowing this, and knowing that I’ve a bit of a reputation for putting things ‘away’ in odd places, I thought I’d check this crock, as well for good measure.
Inside, I found a number of pieces of paper, folded as if to say they were intentionally placed inside this crock for safe-keeping. So, I abandoned the task of looking for a placeholder ring and dumped the crock onto a nearby chair and started unfolding each piece of paper, and reading its contents. Each note contained a moment throughout the year in which I wrote it that I was grateful for. Beginning in January of 2016; a year following one of the darkest years of my life (and there’ve been many).
“January 1, 2016 – New Year’s Thankfulness Jar. First and foremost, I am thankful for my children and thankful that they are my best friends. New Year’s spent with so many of my favourite people, and even though 2015 has been a difficult year full of illness and injury, tragedy, trauma and loss, I can still see who and what I have left and who and what I have left to live for. Great conversation, warmth, love and so much compassion this New Year’s Eve; and in my life, in general. I know there are more difficulties ahead for me, and that 2016 won’t be without its challenges but I am going to try to be grateful for what I have; each positive and happy moment, each healthy relationship and each opportunity that is given to me. And, I will write down each moment and put it in this jar in case I feel sorry for myself, or in case I forget to see each of these moments as precious and meaningful.”.
2015 had been the year in which I injured my back, and the year that I reported the assault and harassment I'd been victim of. It was the year that my newly appointed Chain of Command betrayed me, instead of supporting me, and the year that I realized I was going to ultimately have to start all over again; as ‘less than’ (how I described myself after having broken my brain and body) what and who I’d been when I started out on this journey, in the first place.
It was a very dark year and, yet I was finding things to be grateful for; by breaking life down into a series of moments that somehow created little pieces of happiness for me. I was writing them down; to have something to remind me of this, in the event that I forgot what I had to be grateful for. At least until the happier, more positive moments that filled both myself and my life, started to outweigh the negative, more difficult and trying moments that drained me.
I started to reflect on this; on these moments, and on other moments similarly noteworthy since. Moments that, were I still recording them, would make it into this potted crock of special memories. Moments like those spent with friends, eating copious amounts of home-cooked food, drinking red wine and sharing our thoughts on life, love, friendship. Moments of sharing laughter, tears and expressions of frustrations. Moments of sharing feelings of failure and accomplishment. Moments spent with family and friends taking in the beauty around us, when and if we are willing to see it. Moments travelling to other countries; taking in the beauty from far off places, experiencing other cultures and meeting new people
Reflecting on these moments, and the people I shared them with; or the people somehow, or in some way responsible for, or an important part of these moments. Choosing to see these moments and recognize that this is where happiness exists, choosing to see the beauty. Choosing to share it with these people to expand on the happineess within each moment.
Reflecting back on reasons for documenting these moments; to help me see this beauty when surrounded by ugliness. A sliver of light in an otherwise, dark world. Choosing friendship, choosing peace, love, and light. Choosing happiness; within each moment. Choosing to appreciate the people and things that bring me these things or lead me to this light. In this case, like a broken ring. Choosing to see the bright and positive side of a broken ring; instead of dwelling on its brokenness.
I haven't always been like this, either. I've had my share of moments; moments of darkness and pain, moments of light and pleasure. Moments of despair, and moments of peace and joy. I've had my moments of indecision; moments where I made, what some might consider, poor decisions. And, moments of sound decisions, successes and, in some cases, absolute triumphs. Moments of negativity and moments of positivity. Each one of these moments, being where I chose to embark upon a journey. A journey that helped to create the person that I have become now; a person who sees the precious gifts that life gives us all, in each of these moments. And a person who can see the importance of perspective, to a life of happiness; instead of fearing or regretting, choosing a life of being courageous, and taking risks. A person who can see the importance of trying; and the lessons that exist in failing.
A person who, when faced with a life that has been full of darkness and pain, can see the importance of making note of the moments of peace, love and light; and who can reflect on these things to keep this perspective. A collector of moments, over things.
