Count on Me

Because... Friends!

“We find out what we're made of. When we are called to help our friends in need” – Bruno Mars, “Count on Me”

I’ve been having a rough couple of months, and it’s made me consider tossing it all and starting anew somewhere else with a new town, home, friends, everything; from scratch. I was dwelling on the problems and the decision-making process surrounding these problems, and it was starting to see me sit too long in the darkness again. I needed a getaway to figure out what my next step was because I seem to do my best problem solving when away; away from the source of the problem, I guess. So, when a friend asked me if I wanted to do a girl’s weekend, I was all for it.

Instead of going to the spa on day one, as planned however, we were turned away because we didn’t have a reservation. We were chastised for not realizing this because the information on the website that indicated this (fairly recent) change in this particular spa’s procedures was well-hidden and unclear. So, we adjusted our plans to make the best of the weekend away and went for a nice brunch together, and visited the War Museum and Museum of Nature then checked into a hotel for the night, after reserving a spot at the spa for the next day.

We had an amazing night together; filled with loads of laughter and even more red wine and food. We’d made the best of things and were still there to enjoy one another’s company and offer friendship and unconditional acceptance to and for one another. The next day, we went to the spa and, thanks to some rude and antagonistic staff; combined with an excessive number of security staff, wearing black and sporting radios with ear pieces, had a miserable and stressful experience. Instead of the normal, intended end result we expected; the reason most people go to spas, relaxation. What was supposed to be a relaxing spa weekend; a way of us all detoxing, off-gassing and re-setting, turned into an exercise in patience, and making the most of a shitty situation.

But despite the fact that the War Museum ended up being more relaxing than the spa, we still had a good weekend overall. Because we had each other. The weekend, despite its stressors, hiccups and triggers, turned out to be one of strengthened ties with these friends and of renewed hope, in some ways for us all. It saw us figure out how to overcome these stressors and triggers and make the best of these things; through our friendship.

I came home from the weekend completely spent. Exhausted but feeling a strong kinship and knowing I had someone in my circle who truly had my back. That they completely and unconditionally supported and loved me, and I them.

This morning, I was about to sit down and write about this; about friendship and what it truly means to be and have a friend, when my friend sent me a text asking if we could chat. I abandoned my writing for her because, suddenly anything that I wanted to share with you; about my thoughts and feelings on friendship, loyalty and unconditional acceptance paled in comparison to the actual action of being a friend. Of being loyal and unconditionally accepting and supporting a friend. So, I took her call and listened to her and something magical happened again; I got things off my chest, as well. I shared my stressors with her. I vented some of my concerns and both of us felt better for having done so.

Now, instead of writing a piece on what I feel it means to be a friend and to have a friend, I’m just going to say this: if you have a friend (especially ones like mine), be a friend to them. I’m very lucky to have friendships like this and I try not to take them for granted, even in my darkest of hours. I know I’m not an easy person sometimes. I’m outspoken and I’m raw and real. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I’m not for everyone, but for everyone; I’m me. I know that makes me difficult at times and I know how lucky I am to have people in my life that accept me as such.

So, if you have friends like these, accept them; unconditionally, where they are and as they are. Support them; also, unconditionally and without judgement. Listen when they need to talk and, if you tell them to call on you, be there for them at the other end of the line when they do. In doing so, you’re not just helping them, you’re also helping yourself. You’re being accepted and loved for who you really are, and that’s a precious and rare gift. Because that kind of relationship; one of equality, mutual respect, non-judgmental and radical acceptance, and of guaranteed love, affection and support is rare. It’s usually only seen in the canine world. And, I could go on and on about how precious and rare friendships like these are; and how I've learned this throughout so much loss in my life (so many losses of friends like these, in fact). But instead, I will keep it short, simple and to the point. If you have friendships like this, nurture them and give back to them; keep them.