I am the Warrior
"Shooting at the walls of heartache bang, bang I am the warrior. Well, I am the warrior. And heart to heart you'll win If you survive, the warrior, the warrior" - "The Warrior", Patty Smyth
I read an article on Elephant Journal called, “You Don’t Need A Man, You Need a Goddamn Warrior”, where author, Kate Rose , begins by saying, “To my sweet wild woman, I know why it hasn’t worked out with anyone else—you don’t need a man, but a goddamn warrior”, something that resonates quite strongly with me. She goes on to say, “…this time, you will have finally met your match—because a simple man for you just won’t do”. She further expresses how this, “warrior” will want to encourage the strength within this, “wild woman”, she talks about; how his strength will match hers, and how they will both share a free-spirited, independent and, “wild” side that both understand and encourage within one another. This gets me thinking about all of the failed relationships in my life, and how they never worked out because there was always some facet that saw one partner wanting to change something about the other.
How, in my relationships, I always had partners who were either threatened by my strength of character and my, “wild-woman” approach to life; independent, fierce and strong, or who wanted to quash that aspect of my personality. Or, others who saw me as a conquest and then became either bored or overwhelmed when they finally had me. Some tried to quash my strength; more than one through violent force. Some simply walked away and found someone with a more accommodating personality and a smaller presence. Those were the ones who I nearly let break me; not the ones who used cruelty and violence as a way of attempting to control me but the ones who walked away. The ones who blamed me for them walking away, or insulted me as they walked away.
These ones were much crueler; suggesting that I was volatile or unpredictable, or that my behaviour was in need of adjustment, when I showed my strength, fought back against their cruelty or questioned their loyalty, commitment or their uncertainty regarding either of those things. When I was upfront, honest and my authentic self, they challenged me and called me difficult. When I said what I meant and meant what I said, without painting it with a lighter or softer brush, they called me confrontational. Their disdain for me and for my strength not even remotely hidden behind a backhanded compliment or partially camouflaged slight. Were, I a man, they’d have seen me as strong, independent, competent and confident. As a woman, I was seen as the polar opposite. This article resonates strongly with me because I am strong, independent, competent and confident.
Because, I don’t want a partner who isn’t equal; in all facets of their life, heart and mind. I want someone who complements me and who I complement. Someone who has the same strength; of mind, character, values and ethics. Someone who’s values and life goals align with mine. I don’t want someone like me but someone who aligns with me. I need someone who knows themselves, knows their own value and doesn’t require validation but can still take compliments and accept love and affection. Someone who can stand on their own two feet and solve their own problems; who will help me stand back up when I fall, and I, them. Who will help me solve my problems when I’ve trouble, and I, them. Someone who will appreciate my ability to care for myself and ability to assist them in caring for them, as well. Someone who doesn’t challenge my strength, but appreciates it. Someone who knows their own strength but appreciates my help, and I, theirs.
I don’t need someone who stares at me and thinks I’m beautiful. I don’t need to stare at them, and think they are. I don’t need someone who likes my body or my face. I don’t need someone who likes most things about me but wants to change ‘this one thing’ or other. I don’t need a partner who is stronger, smarter, wealthier or any other “er” than I am, but I’m not threatened by these things if they are. I don’t need someone to rescue me, to fix me, to support me (other than in the same ways I would support them) or to validate me. I certainly don’t need someone to change me. I am constantly assessing myself and changing and evolving; all changes I need to make in myself, I will do so for myself.
I need someone who is equal, as I said, in all facets. Someone who has unwavering strength of character; a strong sense of self, true confidence (*not arrogance), self-efficacy and self-worth. Someone who knows who they are and takes care of their own needs. Someone who is solid and firm in their own values and has a strong sense of independence. I need someone who acknowledges and appreciates these things about me, as well and doesn’t want to change a thing about me. Someone who understands and embraces the idea of loving themselves and others for who they really are, flaws and all. Someone who sees and appreciates that I have unwavering strength of character; a strong sense of self, true confidence (*not arrogance), self-efficacy and self-worth. That I know and take care of myself and my own needs, and that I am solid and firm in my values and have a strong sense of self, and am independent. That I find these things attractive in others and would acknowledge and appreciate these things about them, as well and wouldn’t want to change a thing about them. That I love myself and others for exactly who they are, because of, not despite their flaws. Someone who is a goddamn warrior, themselves and who sees me in the same light without feeling as though my strength and my character somehow undermines theirs.
I don’t need a man, I need a goddamn warrior, because I am a warrior, myself.
**(Just as we all need and just as we can all be if we truly believe we are, or believe we can be.)**