Lean on Me -- True Friendship and Loyalty
I had a beautiful experience last night. A night full of peace, love and laughter with some of my favourite humans. Some of the strongest and most compassionate and accepting women I know. A night full of crying and sharing our deepest feelings and concerns with one another; and then laughing and dancing them away together. A night of leaning on one another and laying it all on one another and trusting one another to both, reciprocate and share the same with us, and trusting them to care for us and keep our secrets safe. Trusting each other with our hearts and souls. A night of true friendship, complete authenticity and absolute loyalty between us.
I'd had a rough few months before, and was having a hard time but after that beautiful experience, I came home feeling renewed and re-inspired. I thanked them, as I always do - because it's important to tell people how you feel about them; especially the ones you love and appreciate. I told them how I appreciate them and had the same reciprocated. It's a powerful thing; having a tribe of people with whom you can be completely and unapologetically yourself. People who you can trust; not only with your secrets but also to have your back and not break that trust.
I had a beautiful night, and then this morning I opened social media to find the article (link I shared on my Facebook page) about a Canadian Forces soldier who was suffering career backlash for helping one of his comrades through the reporting of a sexual assault. Not only did this trigger some very dark and intense emotions from me; for obvious reasons, but it also got me thinking about true friendship and loyalty. About my tribe of friends I share a true connection and friendship with; who's back I have and who have mine, as well. About all that they have done with and for me; and how I've reciprocated this love, camaraderie and loyalty. I started thinking about what real and true brotherhood and sisterhood looks like. How it's not about the background; culture, subculture, or uniform you are from, or wear. I thought about all of my 'brothers' and 'sisters' in blue and green. My military comrades and police comrades. I thought about the shit storm that emerged when I came forward and reported the sexual misconduct I'd been victim of, and of their reactions.
Some were quietly supportive; offering an ear or company so, I didn't have to deal with it all alone. Some actually did support me throughout, some offered but weren't there when I called on them. Some openly supported me, and suffered the same backlash as the soldier in the article I posted. Some turned their backs on me completely; some to avoid the same backlash, and some because they didn't believe me. All, were Police Officers. All, had the same mandate; to support victims of crime. I was a victim of two crimes and yet some didn't see it as such. All, were part of the same 'brotherhood/sisterhood'; all sworn to serve and protect, the public and one another. Some made good on this promise, some didn't. Only two openly and publicly showed real loyalty. Both suffered career backlash like the soldier in the article. They suffered backlash from other, 'brothers and sisters' in blue and green.
The article triggered me, brought forth some very damaging and harsh memories for me, and ellicited some very strong emotions within me. At the same time, it served as a reminder about what true friendhsip and loyalty looks like. To remind me that I have a strong tribe of amazing, loving, compassionate and loyal friends; including those 'brothers and sisters' in blue and green that didn't abandon me throughout that shitstorm. It served as a way to re-inforce my feelings about those who offered support, and those who didn't. It shined a light on the reasons why some supported me and some did not; and how sad it was that they; police officers, had to consider possible career implications before helping a 'sister', and a victim of sexual misconduct. It served as a way to help me to accept this and try to move on. To forgive those who walked away and hid from the shit storm while it was happening. To let go of any bitterness or resentment for those who either walked away or who spread rumours and exacerbated the situation. I can forgive but will never forget. I can let go of it but will never feel the same camaraderie with them. I can accept this but will never consider them true friends again.
It makes me appreciate all of those who supported me, even those who silently supported me from from the corners to avoid being hit with the shit inside the storm. It made me appreciate even more so, the beautiful tribe I have now. Made me appreciate the true, authentic and strong bonds I have with a tribe of people who would never leave me to deal with things such as this, alone. Who would always be there to lean on and allow me to lay it all on them. Those who I would expect to do the same to and for me, as well.
Friendship like this is rare; rarer still is to have so many friends like this. This article triggered me and brought up a whole host of negative feelings, and emotions and, some very haunting memories. At the same time, this article served as a way of reinforcing the feelings I had about last night's experience. As a way of reinforcing how much I love these people and how lucky I am to have them as friends. It served as a way of illuminating how many true and authentic friendships with some of the most beautiful, compassionate souls; and how incredibly lucky that has made me. It served as a way of demonstrating, again what true loyalty is, what true friendship looks like and what it really means to have someone to lean on.