I Think I Can - I Can
“When you are joyful, when you say yes to life and have fun and project positivity all around you, you become a sun in the center of every constellation, and people want to be near you.” ― Shannon L. Alder
I was telling a friend about my trip to Raleigh and explained that I loved North Carolina almost as much as I love Scotland. I explained that it was a really beautiful place, full of charm and magic and, with some of the friendliest people I’d ever met. I shared my thoughts on the east coast of Canada and the United States; how the lifestyle is as laid back and the people are authentic, genuine people who care for one another, just like what I’ve experienced thus far in the UK. Her response to this took me off guard, at the time, “Linda, have you ever considered that you are the common denominator here? That it is you that either attracts these kind of people and experiences or that you find them because of who you are? Have you ever considered that you are the one that spreads light wherever you go and brings this out in others?”. I was speechless. How do you even respond to such an enormous compliment? How do you assess yourself in this way, without seeming arrogant or self-indulgent? I was taken aback but thanked her. This caused some serious self-evaluation. Did I really control my environment in such a way? Was I responsible for the behaviour of others because of how I behaved toward them?
I am not talking about the idea of, “The Law of Attraction”, or other such theories on vibration levels and attracting what you want in your life just through thinking and vibrating differently. I know it’s possible to do something like this, through controlling your thoughts; as you are your thoughts and you become what you think you are. The entire premise behind Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), is to changes our thoughts, is to change our life. Very loosely described, the idea is that our thoughts determine our attitude, our attitude determines our behaviour and our behaviour effects our environment. Healthier thoughts, ultimately means a healthier life because our thought patterns; our perceptions, determine our self-efficacy and our belief in ourselves, and others. Our thoughts determine how we respond to situations, and how we perceive our relationships with others and our life; our entire environment. Negative thoughts and distorted thinking, about ourselves and others effects what we are willing and able to do; in both our own life and in our relationships. If we don’t believe in ourselves, or think we aren’t capable, we don’t do what we really want to do. Literally, if we think we can’t; we can’t.
Our relationships are effected similarly. As I said, I an earlier post about communication, the sender sends a message from their perceptions and it is received by the receiver, filtered through their own perceptions. If their thinking patterns are distorted, or they don’t believe in themselves, or believe the sender has positive intention, there is miscommunication. I’m not saying we have to be positive all of the time to find and attract these things in our life, but we do need to be positive in order to receive the messages positively. If we are negative, we receive the messages negatively. And by positive, I don’t mean all sunshine and rainbows but we need to be open to the possibility that the message was sent, or the experience was had in a different manner than our old, negative thinking or cognitive distortions might suggest. Meaning, we need to be open to allowing positivity and light in, as well. Allowing others to see that in us and allowing others to show us theirs, as well.
So maybe it is a bit like the law of attraction in its own way; what we put out into the universe is what we attract. If we put out positivity, we attract positivity. If we put out negativity, we attract negativity. Just like thinking negatively about ourselves, manifests as us not believing in ourselves; hence, not allowing us to do the things we want to do because we think we can’t. We don’t have the self-efficacy to do what we dream of doing because we don’t believe in ourselves and our abilities enough to do it. Thinking positively involves being realistic about our abilities and our strengths; education and training, or physical, psychological and emotional capacity to do whichever task we choose to do. Being realistic and positive at the same time, while monitoring our thoughts and changing old thinking patterns and bad habits help us to do this.
Like the concept that my friend suggested to me; wherein, I find these people because I either attract them, or bring this out in them; or both, because I am open to the idea that most people are inherently good and that they have something to give. They have story to tell, just like I do. Everyone has a story. Everyone’s story is just as important as mine and the next person’s. As I have discovered, telling your story is very powerful. Openness and honesty; and being true and authentic, without filters is powerful. Maybe, by being this way, I let others tell their story. And, maybe that is all we need to do to experience this kind of light in our lives. And maybe, by being open to different thought patterns, believing in ourselves and loving ourselves in this way, we open ourselves up to these experiences and are more open to both telling our stories and allowing others to tell theirs.
"I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances." - Martha Washington